


Restart

by Flamme19



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: A sort of, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amber (Walking Dead) - Freeform, BAMF Carl Grimes, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Carl Grimes Lives, Consensual Underage Sex, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Negan Being Negan (Walking Dead), Negan redemption (Walking Dead), Protective Daryl Dixon, Tanya (Walking Dead) - Freeform, Temporary Character Death, Time Travel Fix-It, Underage Drinking, Underage Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:14:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 23
Words: 28,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24876760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flamme19/pseuds/Flamme19
Summary: Carl will die. He knows it well. He regrets that he didn't have time to do more, help the people around him.But what if he had that time? What could he do differently?
Relationships: Carl Grimes/Negan
Comments: 30
Kudos: 199





	1. Chapter 1

Carl lay on the cold ground, but he didn't notice. His body was like on fire. He could feel the sweat pouring out of his pores. His mind grew slower and slower. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the silhouette of his dad walking out the door. He was grateful for that. He didn't want Dad to see him like that. 

Helpless, waiting to die. 

Carl wrapped his fingers around the weapon. 

He knew what he had to do soon. Soon he will not have the strength to raise his hand and avert the inevitable - to turn into a walker. 

Carl took a deep breath, trying to ignore the growing pain that was spreading through his body. 

Maybe it could have been prevented. But Carl had no idea how. He hoped that when his dad found the letters he had written, he would really follow them. 

Was it real at all? Or was it just a figment of his dying brain? 

Maybe the idea was childish, naive. His father, caring for the people of Alexandria. Negan as an ordinary person, helping with things around him. Could the two people even forget everything that happened between them? 

Could his father forget all that Negan did to his people? Abraham, Glenn, another dead. Could he put it all aside? It could have been a funny idea for Carl at another time. He could imagine Dad trying to maintain a truce, even if he cursed Negan and his men all day. That's what Dad was like - he didn't like bad guys. 

What about Negan? Carl had only met the man a few times. But Carl didn't remember ever having a more intense encounter with anyone other than Negan. Yes, people wanted to hurt him, to kill him. But Negan was different. He threatened him. He tortured him mentally. But when he got what he wanted, whatever it was, he took care of him. It was so confusing. But the truth was, Negan had far more people under him than he had ever been in Alexandria. Carl could understand that maybe it could have been an effort to take care of those people. Plus, Carl knew Negan must have liked being a bad guy. 

Carl sighed. Daylight streamed through the broken window into the burned church. His eyes ached, as if they weren't used to so much light. 

Maybe it was time. 

He could think about how much he wanted for the few minutes he probably had left. But the truth was, it was no longer in his hands. Hell, maybe it never was. Now it was in Dad's hands to try to turn this naive dream into reality. 

Carl slowly raised his hand, which held his weapon. 

He had to do it. He didn't want to. He prayed, crying for another path. Other option. 

Carl put his gun to his head and looked out the window for the last time. He took one last breath. 

And then he pulled the trigger.


	2. Chapter 2

Carl heard a voice. As if someone was calling his name. Carl struggled to open his eyes, trying to look around.  
The whole room was swinging. He heard a strange noise. And then again, calling your name.  
His dad's face appeared in Carl's field of vision. Carl blinked a few times before finally hearing what Dad told him.  
,, Carl? Get up! We have to stop! "  
Carl looked around again before fully realizing where he was.  
They were in a caravan. Carl saw Maggie lying nearby, he also saw Abraham.  
"Carl, are you listening to me? We have to go, they blocked our way! "  
Carl nodded and got up from his seat. For a moment he felt as if his body was not his. His mind floated. Confused, Carl picked up the hem of his T-shirt and looked at where he had been bitten.  
But there was nothing.  
"Carl, come on!"  
Carl nodded again and stepped out of the caravan.  
Maybe it was the afterlife? Hallucinations at death?

If it was a dream, Carl had to admit it was damn real. Everything was so real! The forest was dark, and Carl could smell the earthy scent of soil and fallen needles. He heard a light wind, felt the cold of the night through the thin shirt he was wearing. Everything was so real!  
"Okay, let's walk. Eugene will take care of the caravan. We will go through the forest, they will not find us there. Lets go."

It was like deja-vu.  
There was a whistling around them. Carl saw the soldiers walking in the darkness among the trees.  
Rick and the group ran through the woods as fast as they could with a stretcher. Carl followed, stumbling over roots and rocks. They ran, Carl still hearing the Savior's whistling behind them.  
And then they ran to a forest clearing. Carl saw the Saviors standing by the cars. Carl saw his dad trying to find a way to escape. But there was none.

Carl had forgotten how horrible it was. Abraham's body lay on the ground, his head shattered. People around him were crying. And they were crying even more when it was Glenn's turn. Carl saw it all in slow motion. He wanted to turn away so much as the disgusting sound of cracking bones filled his ears. The blows continued and continued, but Carl couldn't stop watching. He had seen a lot of terrible things in his life, as a little boy. But this, this was unique in its own perverse way.  
And why did it all have to be? Because they killed several of Negan's men? Did this encounter really unleash the whole war that followed?  
At that moment, Carl saw an opportunity. As he watched Negan try to get his father into the caravan, he realized he could change that! Do something to keep Abraham and Glenn the last victims of this dispute.  
"Let's go," Negan laughed, taking Rick by his jacket. "Let's go for a ride!"  
"No!" Carl shouted, rising quickly.  
He found himself knocked back to the ground by the nearest soldier. Carl shouted as he fell painfully to the ground.  
"Look! Even your own son is trying to defend you! ”Negan shouted with a laugh, pointing his bat at Carl lying on the ground.  
"Please," Carl snapped, scrambling to his knees again. "Leave him alone ..."  
Negan stopped and dropped Rick to the ground. He walked around him and headed straight for Carl.  
"Tell me," Negan said, leaning in toward Carl. "Why the hell should I stop?"  
"Carl, stop it," his father shouted muffledly.  
Negan ignored him. Carl swallowed and looked into Negan's eyes.  
"Take me with you ... Instead of Dad ..."  
"Tempting, tempting," Negan nodded, smirking the tip of his bat on Carl's shoulder. "At least you could talk sensibly ..."  
Carl could feel the barbed wire prick on his skin, but he didn't show anything.  
,,Good! Why the fuck not! Come on! "  
Negan grabbed Carl's arm hard and pulled him to his feet. Carl groaned in pain, but let himself be led to the caravan. Meanwhile, his father was being led back to the group by the soldiers. Carl saw his worried look, so he tried to shake his head to indicate that everything was fine.  
"Just come inside."  
Carl suddenly found himself inside the caravan. Negan sat him down at the dining table and sat himself on the other side.  
"I originally planned to drive around, but I'll be so damn kind and I'll save you from that ride."  
Carl nodded. His dad never told him what had happened while driving in the caravan between him and Negan. But it was clear to Carl that his father hated Negan even more for it.  
"Now I want to hear why you decided to bid instead for Rick."  
"And why did you agree?" Carl answered with a question.  
Negan leaned closer with a too wide smile and rested his elbows on the tabletop.  
"I'm interested in you, boy. As the only one in this group, you look like a reasonable person. I almost don't want to believe you belong to them. So tell me, why are you here, kneeling in the dirt for your dad, when you could be somewhere where others respect you? "  
Carla was stopped by this question. He never thought that what his dad was doing was wrong. Well, if he had to be honest, there used to be a lot of times like that. There were times when he almost wished his dad wouldn't come back, especially after they lost the home they were building in the prison. Those times were hard. At times, he wished his dad could be more diplomatic. Not everyone could have the same view of the world through the morality of his father.  
But leave them?  
Carl was almost never among strangers. There was always someone he knew. Dad told him it was safe. Familiar people are safe. Carl never had thoughts of anything more.  
"I ... I'm satisfied," Carl said slowly.  
"Oh, really?" You're probably not even twenty, and your only fucking life vision is to run after Dad? "  
Carl hoped to persuade Negan to peace in this conversation. Not that his life choices will be questioned.  
But what could he do more with his life?  
"Not everyone has a criminal empire," Carl muttered. "Some of us just survive ..."  
Negan laughed amusedly at the comment. It sounded much more honest, kinder, than the laughter Carl had heard a few minutes ago.  
"Criminal Empire. That's a fucking perfect name! Great ... But now for a moment. When it all came down to shit, I wasn't a criminal boss like I am now. I had to build everything I have with my hands. It wasn't overnight, it wasn't easy. But I had a goal. And that's why I'm a leader now. Do you think living in a lousy little settlement will make you someone? Will you be just another person who is afraid to fall asleep in the evening? "  
"I'm not afraid to fall asleep," Carl snapped.  
He suddenly felt so uncomfortable. It was like a factory then. As if Negan could see into his head, he found all his fears and brought them to light. Maybe that's why he was so successful. He was like a shark that smelled blood.  
,,Really? Is it because you feel safe there in your shitty little hole? Or because you're sleeping with a gun under your pillow? "Negan asked matter-of-factly.  
Carl froze. Even his father didn't know. He always told him to have a gun at hand, but that he didn't have to worry about anything in Alexandria anymore. It was enough to have her somewhere on the table. But Carl couldn't sleep until he was sure it was as close as it could be.  
"Jackpot," Negan muttered with another smirk.  
"How ... How ..."  
Negan shrugged and placed his bat on the table.  
"I did the same thing. I don't have to now. "  
Carl looked at the bloodied bat. Should this be the way to make a name for itself in this world?


	3. Chapter 3

"I think the question is how do you want to convince your father to come to his senses?" 

Carl had no idea how he should do such a thing. Before he died, this meeting was a thing of the past. But now that he saw it again, he could see with what power his father had hated Negan from the beginning. Over time, things only got worse. How could he believe that when he died, all the fighting would end because of his words and a few letters? Was he still too naive to believe that goodwill would save everything? 

"I'll try," Carl muttered. 

Negan just laughed at his attempt. 

"I'll save you disappointment when you find out it doesn't work. That bastard is stubborn and a few of your sweet words won't stop him. But I got another one, and with permission I think a little better idea. I couldn't help but notice that your dad quite liked you ... " 

Carl was silent incomprehensibly for a moment. Rick was his dad. Of course he liked his son. But Carl had no idea what it had to do with the previous discussion. However, when he saw Negan's other grin, which appeared on his face, everything clicked. 

"Do you want to blackmail him?" 

"Blackmail is an ugly word," Negan replied. "You wanted to save people, so here's the deal. You will go with me. It will keep your dad calm and I will have a moment of peace from these fucking unnecessary fights. " 

Carl tried to think of something better, anything. But Negan seemed to take silence as consent. He got up, took his bat, and pointed it at the door 

"I hope we have a deal. I expect you to be just as good out there, otherwise I will have to break my side of the agreement and choose someone else. And honestly, you don't have much left, "he laughed, as if it were a good joke. 

Carl just nodded. He could handle it. He'll do what Negan says if it's not stupid and try to explain to Dad that it's all for his own good. 

The conversation must have been longer than Carl thought. The first rays of the sun appeared on the horizon, but it was still dark in the forest. As soon as the door closed behind them, Carl saw Dad trying to get to his feet, but he was knocked to the ground. 

Negan laughed and spread his arms. 

"I didn't even hope damn anymore! But still, as they say, youth is our future. And the young people seem to be the most sensible here in the end. " 

Then he turned to Rick and walked closer to him. 

"Your dear son has devised an absolutely grandiose plan to save your worthless butts from trouble. He's coming with me now. " 

The reaction was exactly as Carl had expected. His dad shouted something and tried to get back on his feet. Carl ran to him before getting another hit from the soldier behind him. 

"Dad, it's okay ..." 

"Carl, no ... What did he do to you ..." 

Carl shook his head and took Dad's hand, perhaps to reassure him a little. 

"He did nothing. Please, you must end the fighting. Otherwise he will kill us all ... " 

His dad shook his head, as if he couldn't understand the thought. Carl hated how stubborn his dad was at times. 

"Dad, it can't be otherwise," Carl said, perhaps a little too harshly. 

But his dad finally seemed to be listening. 

"Carl ... You don't know what he'll do to you, you don't know him ..." 

Carl inadvertently remembered the meeting in the factory, forced singing and the bandage removed. He could handle it. 

,,I can handle it. Please return home. " 

"Family reunion," came a mocking voice from behind Carl. "Sweet. But don't worry, Rick, so that Carl isn't sad at home, we'll take his friend to play!" 

All he had to do was snap fingers and the soldiers grabbed Daryl. Negan turned to Carl and nodded to the car where Daryl was led. Carl understood clearly. 

"Don't worry about me, Dad," he said quickly, getting up from the ground and heading for the car. 

Once he was at the car, someone pulled a bag over his head and was pushed into the car. He felt it hit something soft, probably Daryl. The car door slammed, and Carl heard the lock, and muffled voices. It was a short time before the car began to move. 

"Carl?" says Daryl's muffled voice. 

"Hm?" 

"I hope you have a plan." 

Carl hoped too. 

Carl had no idea how long they could go. He no longer remembered how far the factory was from Alexandria. So he just leaned on Daryl's shoulder and closed his eyes. Maybe he was in a hurry. He had no miracle plan. He hoped a little naively that he would somehow convince Negan, return home, and everything would continue as before. But if he really not only returned to the living, but also to the past, how much will everything change now? 

Eventually, the car began to slow down. The door opened, and someone grabbed Carl's hand and pulled him out. Then the bag was removed from his head and Carl shielded his eyes from the bright light. As soon as he looked around, he found himself facing the man who introduced Negan to them. 

Another man pulled out Daryl as well. Carl was surprised to notice that the hunter's hands were handcuffed. Apparently he didn't pose such a threat to Saviors as Daryl. 

"So, let's clarify a few things. I'm Simon. Because you will live here with us now, it will be me who will assign you a job, "the man said, pointing to the gate. 

The wrecks of old cars were at the gate. And walkers tied to them, as a living defense. There were several people in strange clothes moving around the pedestrians, wearing yellow spray-painted letters. Those people were pulling the walkers on long poles or chains, probably where the soldiers wanted. It was disgusting, but Carl had to admit that it was a good idea to defend. 

"This is your new job now," Simon said, pointing to Daryl. "I think you've proved to everyone that you can take care of yourself, so it's made for you!" 

Other soldiers took Darly by the arm and led him away. Carl stood still, nervous about what they had come up with for him. Simon stared at him for a moment, as if judging him. 

"I have nothing for you. I'll take you to a room where you'll wait for Negan to decide otherwise. " 

And so Carl was taken inside the factory. The road was a little familiar to him, but the truth was that all the corridors looked almost the same. When they arrived, Carl looked anxiously inside the room. To his surprise, however, he found a fairly decently furnished room. Bed, small cross, window, although barred. Simon pushed him inside and closed the door behind him. The sound of the lock clicking was not surprising. Carl went to the window and looked out. He saw the forest, but could not determine exactly where it was or where the gate was. It seemed that he had to wait until someone came for him.


	4. Chapter 4

Carl had been in that room for most of the next day. He spent most of his time sitting on the bed and thinking. 

Several times he couldn't resist the urge to lift his shirt and look at his skin. He was still pale, smooth. Unbite. 

So maybe that was true in the end. Could he really get a second chance? And why him? He never thought he was special. 

Negan's words about his future came to his mind. It was true. He never thought about it. Before it all started, he was a child. He thought he would just finish school and then see. Then an apocalypse broke out and instead of mathematics he learned to shoot from a weapon. What kind of future could he have in this world? Sometimes he thought he would die anyway before he could do anything. Which eventually happened. 

But now he had a second chance. 

Apparently there were people who could do more than just survive. 

But what should he do himself? Establish a settlement? Defend people around you? Establish whole cities? Carl was sincere enough to admit that he never had the desire to lead others. Whenever he saw his father trying to get their group out of one trouble, they immediately fell into another. It was scary, but mostly sad. How many times had Carl wondered where his father was getting the strength to do that. Get up and hope every morning that this day will not be another in a series of days when everything went to hell. Dad told him it was because he wanted to protect everyone. 

But Carl already knew very well that he could not protect everyone around him. And the event that became an example of that in the forest. His dad was a strong man, he was a cop. But in the end, the only thing he could do was not protect his people. It was kneeling on the ground and crying. And Carl didn't want to end like that. Just because he loved his father didn't mean he always agreed with what his dad had done. And now that he had the opportunity to see how one meeting in the woods could turn into a massacre of dozens of people, it made him cry. 

Carl finally shook his head and wiped his cheeks with his sleeve. 

Now he had a second chance, he had to remind himself again. Everything they have experienced has not yet happened. And he had the opportunity to fix it. All it took was to end the ongoing dispute between his dad and Negan. Surely there was an agreement that would suit both parties. 

Carl's thinking was eventually interrupted by a knock on the door. As soon as he got out of bed, the door opened and Simon appeared. Carl noticed that he was holding a rifle. 

"I have to take you to Negan." 

No more was said. Carl nodded humbly and went outside. They went for a while. Down the hall, down one staircase. And then Carl realized he knew this place. It was the floor where Negan had shown him his wives. Carl still didn't understand why Negan was doing it. Maybe he was trying to make him uncomfortable? It was clear that Negan had no idea how many things and situations Carl had seen in his short life. 

Eventually they came to a place, exactly as Carl had thought. Negan stood in front of the double doors, smiling at the oncoming couple. 

"Well, it's not Carl! Thanks, Simon, I'll take it. " 

Simon left with a nod without a word, and then Carl felt Negan's arm on his shoulder. 

"I heard you were a good boy and you didn't try to run. I have to say I'm damn happy for that. I don't want to hunt you down and execute you. " 

"Um ... Thanks?" Carl replied, unsure of what to say. 

It was probably the right sentence, because Negan smiled again and squeezed Carl's shoulder tightly. 

"Great, just fucking great. Now I'll take you here a little to make you feel at home. But let's go to my room first, I have a lot of other questions for you that almost didn't let me sleep! " 

Carl nodded and went up the stairs. It was interesting that from his previous stay at the factory he remembered the trip to Negan's bedroom well. Maybe because Negan had led him here and there before. 

Carl stopped at the door to Negan's bedroom, waiting for the man to reach him. Negan opened the bedroom door, nodded, and Carl went inside. 

Just like last time, the bedroom looked exactly the same. Carl sat down in the same chair, mentally preparing for Negan's questions. He was already reconciled to the fact that the minimum price for gaining Negan's trust was to take off that damn bandage. Carl only hoped they could skip singing this time. 

Negan sat across from him, but to Carl's surprise, he didn't include many questions and remarks. He just sat there, staring at Carl. 

Carl felt bad about that. Negan's cheerful mood disappeared in the blink of an eye, and Carl quickly wondered what might have caused the change. 

,,Who you are?" 

Carl blinked in confusion. 

"I ... Carl ... Carl Grimes ..." 

Negan leaned closer, holding his bat tightly in his hands. 

"So tell me, Carl Grimes, how did you know the way to this room?" 

Carl did something to keep him from shaking his head on the table in frustration. How could he forget it !? He practically remembered, not waiting for Negan at all to show the way. And if he had been here for the first time in his life, as he had tried to work, he could not have found that way in his life on the first try! Damn! 

Negan stood up and pointed the bat to Carl's face without hesitation. Carl felt his body begin to tremble uncontrollably with fear. 

,,No..." 

"I want to hear a fucking good answer. Because if I don't hear it in the next few seconds, it'll be the last seconds of your damn life ... " 

Carl had heard Negan scream, curse. But the cold calm with which he said the sentence was the scariest. Because Carl knew Negan would do it. 

"I ... I thought ..." 

"Don't lie!" Negan shouted. 

Carl winced in fright. What was he supposed to say ?! 

"If you don't start talking, I swear to God, I'll go to Alexandria and smash your dear dad's head. And you will sit in the front row ... " 

Carl suddenly felt like he was crying. He didn't even realize it. 

"You won't believe it," he whispered softly. 

"Try me," Negan snapped, pressing the bat against Carl's face. 

Carl had no idea how to explain the whole thing. How could, if he didn't understand it himself? 

"I ... I've been through all this before ... But I died ... I thought there was nothing after death! But then I woke up and I was in that caravan, just before you captured us in the woods! " 

Negan was silent for a moment. And then he started laughing. And Carl knew immediately that it wasn't a good laugh. 

,,Really? Is that the best you can think of? Maybe when you see your dadless headless, you'd be fucking better! " 

"Please!" Carl shouted in tears. "I'm not lying! I don't know how the hell it happened! I was in church, I was dying! I don't know why I came back!" 

"Okay, let's try to believe in magic and spells," Negan chuckled coldly. "How are you going to convince me?" 

"I ... I know your wives were behind that black door, you have more ... And when you were in Alexandria, you cooked spaghetti!" 

Carl had no idea why he remembered the spaghetti. But as soon as Negan heard this, he lowered the bat to the ground. 

"How the hell do you know ..." 

"When it happened for the first time, you dragged Dad to the caravan ... Then you came back, you threatened him ... I ... Later I got into one of your trucks, I hid behind the boxes. I wanted to kill you ... You caught me, you took me here, to this room ... " 

Negan was silent as Carl spoke. It was clear from him that he did not understand what Carl was trying to tell him. But Carl knew he had to convince him. Otherwise, his new life could be shorter than Carl wished. 

"Okay," Negan said, sitting back on the couch. "You're telling me you died, you somehow found yourself back, and now you've decided ... What exactly? To change the world?" 

Carl lowered his head. 

"When I died ... You and my dad were at war. It was terrible ... The people were dying, yours, ours ... I don't know what happened after I died ... I tried to convince my dad to end it. But I don't believe he would listen to me ... He hated you too much, "Carl admitted reluctantly." And when I came back, I... I wanted to stop it all. That's why I offered to go to the caravan instead ... " 

"It annoys me how what you say makes and doesn't make sense at the same time," Negan admitted. 

"I don't know why it happened," Carl said desperately. "But ... I don't want the fight again ..." 

,,How did you die?" 

Carl had no idea how the thought of his own death could hurt. Almost like he was bitten and the first time he realized it. That it is over. 

"I was bitten by a walker ... I tried to do as much as I could before I died, but ... I only had a few hours ..." 

"Bite ... And how old were you?" 

"A few months after we sat here ..." 

"Months? Damn boy, are you telling me you died so young? " 

Carl shrugged. 

"A lot of people around me died young ... I thought I wouldn't be an exception ..." 

"I still have a hell of a lot of trouble believing it all," Negan said at last. "I don't believe in shit like reincarnation and I'm not going to start ... But the fact is, you said a few things you shouldn't know ... To be clear - I really don't cook spaghetti for everyone," he added with an amused grin. 

Carl nodded. There was a moment of silence between them. 

"How was our first meeting here?" 

"You wanted revenge for the man I killed ... Then you talked about Dad and Daryl ..." 

"I don't think that's all," Negan said flatly. 

Carl turned away. He hoped he wouldn't have to repeat this part. 

"You wanted to ... You wanted me to take off my bandage ..." 

"I thought so," Negan laughed. "You're like a present under christmas tree! I don't understand why you're wearing that piece of rag." 

Negan said it as if it was nothing. It was as if he were talking about a hat, not something that helped him look at least a little normal. 

"Carl, I know what will be under it. I've seen it more times than is healthy. Do you really think you can make someone else out of you with a piece of rag? That you could pretend to be just a normal boy? " 

"I don't want people to see it," Carl snapped. 

,,Why?" 

"It's disgusting." 

"But it's you. You survived whatever the hell happened to you. Now you seem to have returned from the dead! And you will hide all this behind a piece of bandage? " 

Carl felt himself breathe fast. The first time Negan had practically forced him to take off the bandage, Carl had somehow managed to do it. You said it was just to survive. But now, this conversation, Carl had no idea what to think about it. 

"What will it help if I take it off?" Carl finally said, confused. "Everyone will see it, everyone ... I know how they look at me ... Like ..." 

"Like a monster." 

Carl stared into Negan's smiling face and suddenly wanted to just punch the man. He knew he wouldn't win. But he would be so relieved! 

"What the hell are you talking about!" 

,,Me? I'm trying to figure out why someone like you, with those big plans to save the people around you, is acting like a coward. Do you want to stop the war and yet you are afraid that someone will look at you in disgust? " 

Carl had to take several deep breaths. He had forgotten how Negan could get under his skin. 

"Oh yes, I see it in you," Negan nodded happily. "If you could, I bet you would cut my throat until you could feel the blood on your hands ... I can see it in this angry baby blue eye ..." 

"That's not true," Carl breathed in shock. 

It suddenly occurred to him - he would probably do it. Even though he knew he would probably fail, he would try. 

In the look on his face, Negan had to find something he was looking for, as his smile widened manic again. 

"A serial killer in making ... I can imagine you that way. As you hide in a truck, prepare a weapon that intends to kill anyone you meet just to get to me ... Tell me, what weapon did you take then? " 

,,Submachine gun..." 

"Big gun," Negan snarled, standing up. 

Carl just watched quietly as the older man began to walk around his chair. In a few moments, he felt Negan's presence behind him, and the man's palms settled on Carl's shoulders. 

"Did you choose it because it looked cool?" 

Carl closed his eyes when he heard the same sentence from Negan as it did then. 

"I think so," Negan continued, closer now. "You wanted something big. You barely handle it, but you knew it would do a lot of damage. Tell me, how many people you were willing to kill that day to get to me? " 

"I didn't mean to kill them ..." 

"Don't lie," Negan muttered. 

Carl felt how close the man behind him must have been. He could feel his breath on his face. 

"You wanted revenge. How many of my men did you kill then? " 

"I don't know," Carl whispered. 

"Cute ... Just not enough to serve the purpose, is it? This is how I can imagine you ... You would be someone no one would fuck with. You could do a lot of great things. Could you save all the people you lost before ... " 

Carl closed his eyes slowly until all he could hear was Negan's voice. It was like poisonous honey. Warm, seductive. But so dangerous. 

Negan's palms tightened on his shoulders. 

"You know, the first time I saw you kneeling on the ground, I knew you weren't just another crying baby. Whining that he can't have his damn high school ball. But I have to say, I'm a little disappointed ... " 

Carl slammed his eyes open and turned back to face Negan directly. Disappointed? 

”Why?" 

Negan leaned closer until they looked each other straight in the eyes. 

"Until you don't accept yourself, you can't do anything. Believe me. And it's a fucking shame that someone as special as you is worried about such shit. But until you don't win your own battles, you can't stop the others ... " 

Carl swallowed. 

,,How do I do that?"


	5. Chapter 5

Carl was in his room again. It was probably his room now, as long as he was supposed to live in the Sanctuary. 

The conversation with Negan played like a song from a TV commercial that couldn't be turned off. 

Could he be right? 

Carl would like to say it was nonsense. That Negan knew nothing about it. But Carl knew Negan knew enough. 

Carl hesitated for a moment. Then he took off his hat, laid it next to him on the bed. He could try. Not just because he had to, but because he wanted to. 

He felt the bandage with his fingers and slowly unwound it. He shuddered as he felt fresh air on his scarred face. There was a small mirror by the dresser. 

Carl didn't have to look to know what he would see. But still, the first sight assured him that it was all as terrible as he remembered. 

The skin around the eye socket was scarred and red. It always happened when he wore the bandage for too long. The wound itself was already healed, but at times it seemed to Carl that it was getting bigger. 

Could it really make a difference? Carl leaned against the dresser, trying to sort out his thoughts. 

Maybe that was true. Whenever he took off the bandage, he became vulnerable. Not physically. But mentally. And anyone could force him to do it and gain the upper hand over him. 

Was that why Negan did this to him? 

Carl brushed the fallen hair from his face and tucked it behind his ear. 

Could anyone ever consider him handsome? Enid always told him he was handsome. But never when he was without a bandage. She didn't like to look at it. 

How was he supposed to win his own battles? 

Carl spent that day carrying things in the yard. A truck full of stuff arrived, and Negan decided he had to get involved as a new member of the community. And so he helped put things on the ground and sorted them into boxes together with other soldiers. 

And it was during this work that he saw Daryl. He was with several equally dressed people at the gate. They had a break for the food they had around them on the ground. 

Carl looked around. When he noticed that no one was paying attention to him, he slowly began to back away from the truck. Still unnoticed, he continued walking until he reached Daryl. He quickly sat down on the floor to fit in with the others and tapped Daryl on the shoulder. 

,,Hey..." 

Daryl turned sharply, and as soon as he saw Carl, he hugged him tightly. 

"Damn boy, are you okay?" 

Carl nodded quickly and looked around. Several Saviors stood nearby, but no one noticed. 

"Yeah, I'm fine ... What about you? Are they behaving well? " 

Daryl shrugged, hair falling to his face. Carl noticed a few bruises. But overall, he looked fine, which Carl was happy for. 

"Damn boy ... What did you get yourself into?" 

"Don't worry .. I'm trying to ... Change things ..." 

Daryl looked like he wanted to object, but then a shadow appeared over both. 

"Shit, another family reunion ..." 

Carl tilted his head. Negan stood nearby, leaning on his bat, his usual smile on his face. 

"I feel like our dear Daryl has a job, don't you?" 

Carl stood up and brushed his pants. 

"I just ... I wanted to talk to him. I haven't seen him in almost a week ... " 

Daryl watched their conversation in silence. Carl hoped he hadn't gotten him in trouble. 

"Well, it seems to me that once a week you could see each other ... But now enough, you have the job. Say goodbye to Daryl and come with me. " 

Carl didn't hesitate. He nodded at Daryl, who returned the nod and followed Negan back to the truck. 

Negan stood on the balcony of the factory, watching the working people in the courtyard. It could have been a day like any other. New nice things were taken to the factory. Usually it would be a good day for Negan. But now he couldn't stop thinking about the boy he'd locked back in his room. 

Carl Grimes - time traveler. 

Could the boy have been lying? But then why would he have a reason? He didn't gain anything by that. On the contrary, he said things he just couldn't know. 

First, wives. That was a fairly well-known fact. Although that didn't explain how he knew that the door they'd met had led to his wives. 

Second, those damn spaghetti. He cooked them for his wife for the last time while she could still eat something. When she died, he usually refused to look at the food. So why would he cook them for that boy? 

There was something strange about Carl. When Negan looked into his big blue eye, he saw sadness there. But not just such a teen depressed sadness because he can't be with his girlfriend. It was the grief of someone who had seen too much fucking shit in such a short life. 

Negan didn't really believe in these spiritual nonsense. His wife did. How many times had she told him that she would return one day, albeit like someone else. Negan always hoped that wouldn't happen. He didn't want her to suffer in this godforsaken land when she had suffered so much before. 

Could she be right? Could the dead have returned to the world? And was this a return to the world at all? Carl obviously did not return from the grave, he returned to his past. 

Negan would give anything he ever had to look into the boy's mind to see if it was really true. Did that mean the boy really knew the future? 

Negan shook his head. If what he was saying was true, then as soon as he went to the caravan instead of his miserable father, everything changed. Negan saw Back to the Future. Everything has changed. Carl left Alexandria, so the story changed. Still, he could know something that might be useful to Negan. 

He wouldn't be the first or last person Negan was nice and kind to get the information he needed. Information about the alleged future could be helpful. Negan could simply be kind, attentive, to include Carl's gifts and seductive words to get what he needed. The problem, however, was the fact that Carl had given the impression that he knew Negan. Negan saw the boy for the first time in his life, but Carl looked at him with a look that made it clear that he knew what to expect from Negan. And that bothered Negan. From the beginning of this zombie show, Negan always relied on the fact that he was unpredictable to the people around him. It scared people. And Negan liked that. 

But Carl was different. He was afraid of him, yes. Negan saw the fear on the boy's face. But at the same time, he seemed not surprised by Negan's behavior, his threats. 

On the contrary, he looked most surprised at the end of their conversation. Negan quickly realized what the boy's greatest weakness was. After all, it was most visible. The boy was really like a sweet little nicely wrapped gift with a hat on top. He was dying to see what was under the bandage. But when Carl told him that was exactly what his version of the past wanted him to do, Negan quickly realized that this was not the way. 

It would be a pleasure to break that boy. Pure exciting pleasure. As he knelt on the ground and watched Negan smash the Asian man's head, Carl looked beautiful as he cried. But it would be a one-time event. 

Maybe he could try something else ...


	6. Chapter 6

Carl sat in his room again. It's been like this for several days in a row. He was given some work, during which he was surrounded by the Saviors who guarded him. When he finished his work, Simon personally led him back to the room. 

He hadn't seen Negan in almost a week. 

But this time, when the door opened, it wasn't Simon. But it was Negan. 

"Good morning, sunshine! Today is a damn special day! " 

Carl got out of bed hesitantly, not quite sure what was going on. 

"Today I have a regular trip to the little rotten hole you call home. So I decided that because I'm a generous man, you can come with me ... " 

Carl was excited at first. He can see his father, the rest of the group. But then he stopped. 

"Is there a catch?" 

"Smart boy, smart ... It depends. I think your father might have some reproaches about going to pick up my shit. Your job will be to keep that barking dog on a leash. " 

Carl nodded. He could have done that. After all, it wouldn't be the first or last time. 

"I'll talk to him. I'll try it..." 

"Great ... Come on, come on. You will go with me..." 

Returning to Alexandria was like a balm to Carl's nerves. Everything seemed so familiar. The last time he saw the settlement, everything was on fire. But now she was as beautiful and peaceful as she used to be, before the war. 

"So," Negan laughed, spreading his arms. "Where's Rick Prick?" 

Carl frowned at the nickname, but was silent. It was just words. 

As Negan and Saviors and Carl continued into the center of the settlement, Carl noticed the way people around him looked at him. Carl understood the hateful glances at Negan and his people. But why did a few people look at Carl? 

Rick ran out of the nearest house and Carl let the idea go. He wanted to go to see Dad, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. 

"No no, stay here nicely. Rick is going to do his job. And we're going for a walk. I'm fucking curious about your little house. Lets go!" 

Another deja-vu? The tour of the house with Negan was as strange as the first time. The man was fascinated by everything. Running water, kitchen, Carl's room. And unfortunately Carl's little sister. 

"Damn, isn't she a beautiful princess?" I see it from there, "Negan grinned, twinkling into Judith's long hair. 

Carl sighed. It was exhausting. 

"I've seen her before, haven't I? Previously..." 

Carl blinked in surprise. 

,,How do you know?" 

"I hold your little sister in my arms. It would take me about a second to kill her, "Negan laughed, as if he were talking about the weather." But you don't seem to be afraid of her ... " 

It was true. Carl was a little terrified at how attentive Negan could be. To someone who usually looked like such an idiot ... 

"You were good with her," Carl admitted. 

"And who the fuck wouldn't be? Kids are sweet. At least most of them ... " 

,,Do you have children?" 

Negan visibly stopped. He continued to sway with Judith in his arms for a moment as Judith played with the stuffed rabbit. 

,,No. I've never been a guy a woman would like to have children with. And they all did just fine ... " 

Carl was fascinated by the sentence. Did he dream it, or did he hear a little regret in it? Carl's thoughts flew at the speed of light. In the end, Negan apparently had a soft spot. And it was from Negan that Carl learned that soft spots could be used. 

"Well," Carl began cautiously, "Judith might want Uncle Negan." 

"Uncle Negan?" So that's a fucking joke of the century, "Negan laughed. 

However, Carl was relieved to notice that his laughter was sincere, and Negan's grip on Judith tightened a little. 

Judith seemed to be able to understand their conversation. She tossed the stuffed rabbit to the ground and grabbed Negan by the hair. Carl watched in amazement as Negan just laughed at her attack, trying to get his hair out of her grip. 

He looked like a proud father. 

As the collection continued outside, Negan decided he wanted to walk around with Judith in hand and control everything. Carl didn't agree with the idea at first, he didn't want anything to happen to his sister. However, Negan ignored his complaints. He shoved his bat in Carl's hand with the words "Take good care of her!" and went out with Judith in his arms. 

Once outside, Carl saw exactly the moment his father saw Judith. He immediately went to them and Carl did not wait for anything and went to meet him. 

,, Carl! What is it! We have to get her away! ”Dad shouted, following Negan. 

Carl quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him back. 

"It's okay," Carl shook his head, pointing to the bat he was holding. 

"He's good with Judith. And he doesn't have a bat. " 

His dad blinked in confusion several times, as if he didn't believe what he saw. 

"How ... How did you do it?" 

Carl smiled contentedly and put the bat on his shoulder. 

"I talked to him ..." 

"I think it's clear why I don't believe it," his dad hissed, continuing to watch Negan closely. "What if he hurts her?" 

"I'll take care of it," Carl nodded. "I just want you to be calm. Let them do what they want and they'll leave soon. Yes?" 

His dad nodded reluctantly, but that was enough for Carl, too. He nodded for confirmation and went back to Negan, who was standing nearby. 

"Well, it's not a pretty sight," Negan winked. "Look, honey. Your brother and my lady. Sweet ..." 

Carl lowered his bat to the ground and pointed to a full truck. 

"Everything you wanted?" 

"Do you have anything more?" 

"No," Carl said. 

"I think today was a fucking success." 

"Negan," Carl hissed, nodding toward Judith. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. How could I forget. In front of this queen just decently, "he added with a laugh and gave Judith a kiss on the cheek. 

Judith just laughed and grabbed Negan's jacket. Carl didn't remember when she had been so trusting strangers before. Usually after a while, she started crying and wanted someone she knew. But she treated Negan as if she had known him all her life. 

"Okay okay ... Simon! Get ready to leave! We'll get out of this shi ... out of this settlement, "Negan laughed again." Damn. Talking decently is not my hobby. " 

"If you want to spend time with her, you'll have to," Carl said casually. 

"Do you think I want to spend time with a little kid?" 

Carl shrugged and looked around. The Saviors were about to leave, leaving only a few Alexandria residents. 

"You come here regularly. And she looks like she liked you. I think she'd like to see you again ... " 

"Of course it is! "All women want me," Negan nodded arrogantly. 

Still, when Judith dropped her stuffed animal again, Negan bent down for him and handed it back to her with a kind comment. 

It was disgustingly sweet. Carl only planned to take advantage of Negan's interest in Judith. When he was with her, he was almost like a lamb. The exact opposite of his usual self. As long as it was safe for Judith, all he had to do was hand her to Negan. But now that he saw them together, it was like looking at a family photo. Why the hell was Negan with Judith so good? 

"Okay, let's go," Negan sighed. "Take the little queen and hand her over to Prick. I hope you don't run, will you? Like I said, I don't want to hunt you ..." 

So even with Judith in his arms, Negan could look and sound menacing. Carl just nodded, took his sister in his arms and went to see his father. His head was full of thoughts. He thought he had come up with something to help his plan. How to calm Negan as much as possible. And now?


	7. Chapter 7

The next visit to Alexandria was to be in two weeks. Carl hoped to see Negan more often while waiting for another visit. The first week he didn't even get any work to do. No one came for him. The only person Carl saw was an elderly woman who brought him food three times a day. She didn't talk to him, and Carl didn't try to talk himself. 

He was looking forward to another visit, yes. He hoped Negan would take him again. He would ask. But Negan would have to see that. So after a week of waiting, Carl decided. And as soon as an older woman appeared with his food, Carl waited at the door and addressed her. 

,,Thank you. I ... Can I see Negan? " 

Carl did not expect his question to have such an impact. The woman stared at him as if seeing him for the first time in her life. 

"Negan has a lot of work to do," she said at last. 

Carl tried to suppress frustration and stick to good manners. 

"I need to talk to him. It's important, "Carl repeated, trying to be as innocent as possible. 

The woman visibly hesitated. In the end, she just muttered that she would try and left again. Finally, Carl had to wait almost another hour for the door to open and Simon to show up. 

"What do you want?" He said stiffly. 

"I need to talk to Negan." 

Simon raised an eyebrow questioningly. Carl didn't understand. He didn't want anything weird, did he? 

"Why do you want to talk to him? I would expect you to be glad he doesn't notice you ... " 

Carl frowned at that. 

"Why should I be happy?" He asked suspiciously. 

Simon continued to stare at him. In the end, he just nodded behind him and opened the door wide. 

"All right, come on. 

Carl felt ironic, as if he were going to an audience with the king. But as he watched Simon conscientiously lead him to Negan's room, there might be something on that thought. After all, Negan could be taken as king of the Saviors. Not that Carl wanted to say it out loud. 

Simon stopped at the door to Negan's room and knocked three times. Carl stood in the background, looking around. He never noticed that there was only Negan's room on this floor. That explained why it was so suspicious he knew the way. He couldn't even say he went to some other door. There were no others. 

The door finally opened and Negan stepped out. 

,,What is?" 

Simon stepped aside and pointed at Carl. 

"He wanted to talk to you." 

Negan smiled broadly and leaned against the door frame. 

"Well, let's see. Did you miss me? " 

Carl had no idea what to say. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Simon shaking his head. 

"What do I have to say to talk to you?" He finally asked honestly. 

Negan's smile widened a little. 

"Just say the magic word." 

Carl's eyes narrowed. A magic word? 

"Can I go now?" Simon asked. 

"No no no, you have to stay. It is possible that you will take our dear Carl back to the room ... " 

Carl gritted his teeth. How was it possible that Negan had always found a way to humiliate him. And in any situation! 

There was silence in the hallway. Simon looked visibly uncomfortably out the window. Negan was still leaning against the door frame, grinning like a lunatic. Carl felt that the air around him had simply disappeared. The only thing he could focus on was the challenge in Negan's eyes. 

"Please," Carl finally said darkly. 

"Oh God, he's talking! I don't know, boy, you didn't sound very honest. What do you think, Simon? " 

Simon shook his head. Carl had no idea how much it was his opinion and how much willingness to agree with everything Negan would say. 

"You see, Simon thinks so too! Well, I do not know..." 

Carl had no idea how long it would take to be an obedient boy like he had been. Negan annoyed him like no other. That arrogant smirk on his face ... 

"You're an asshole," Carl hissed. 

Simon was silent. Negan took a few steps closer until he was standing right next to Carl. He leaned even closer until Carl could feel his cologne. 

Carl always thought Negan must have been a mobster before. The kind of bad guy who gets you in trouble just by his smile. Maybe a motorcycle. Yes, definitely a motorcycle. And the bars people like Negan go to. The places his father had always warned him about as a policeman. Dad always told him that criminals and people with bad reputations met in such places. 

It was true that whenever Carl reads a comic, he usually cheered on bad guys. They were just more interesting. As a child, he didn't quite understand why. Now, facing Negan, he finally understood. 

"Please," he whispered softly. 

Negan's eyes darkened with something Carl had refused to admit. He couldn't admit it. He was afraid that if he did, there would be no going back. 

"Go inside," Negan growled. 

Carl wasn't expecting anything. He literally ran into the room and leaned against the wall next to the door. His heart beat wildly. As soon as he turned his head to see Negan as he entered the room, he closed the door. And then he locked it. 

"Who would say that," Negan said, heading slowly for Carl. "I thought you were well behaved. You know what, son of a damn cop. And you're standing here, begging ..." 

Carl swallowed and bowed his head. He had no idea why the hell he did it. He shouldn't have done it. It was just another small Negan victory. He came back here to change the future, if you could say so. 

"I'd be fucking wondering if you did this the first time we met," Negan continued, taking another step closer. 

Carl felt the sharp smell of cologne again, which filled his mind like a mist. 

"I ... No ... We didn't like each other ..." 

,,Really? How could I not like such a damn beauty, begging at my door ... " 

Carl felt he should say something. Follow up on why he actually wanted to see Negan. Yes, that's why he was here! 

"I ... I wanted to ask you something ..." 

"I'm fucking tense, tell me," Negan snarled. 

"I know you're going to Alexandria again in a few days ..." 

,,Let me guess. You wanted to ask if I would take you on that little trip, didn't you? " 

Carl nodded. Yes, that should be the only thing he came here for. 

"And tell me, what will I get out of it?" 

"I have nothing to give you," Carl said weakly. 

"You're going to have to think about it," Negan said. "We are leaving tomorrow. I have things I want to work out. You don't have much time ..." 

"Negan, I ..." 

Carl didn't know what to do. What could he offer the man? He had everything. Supplies, weapons, people, wives. And what did Carl have? Nothing. 

Negan must have seen his confusion on Carl's face. In one elegant motion, he took Carl's hat and tossed it behind him. And then came the bandage. 

He should have known. What else could he offer. At times he felt like a monster in a circus. The only thing that was interesting about him was the reminder of how miserable his childhood was. 

"You can do one thing for me," Negan said, his tone suddenly strangely soft and caring. "Stop wearing that rag. Finally start being who you are supposed to be ... Watching you hide behind that bandage is pathetic to fuck ... " 

"It's not me," Carl muttered, praying to keep his trembling voice calm. 

"You may not want it, but it's you. I won't lie to you, "Negan said straightly, gently brushing the hair from Carl's face. "You look like a baddass survivor. I wouldn´t cover that shit up. You probably don't catch any sexy babe for that, but I swear to you, no one is gonna screw with you looking like that. No one. " 

"You screw with me," Carl said quietly. 

Why did Negan say it all? Carl knew what he looked like. Should he really show everyone a hole in his face just to prove his worth? 

Negan rewarded his objection with a slight smile. 

"I'm an asshole, you said it yourself," Negan nodded in agreement. "I think you paid for your trip ... Let's go. I'll take you back to your room and I will come for you tomorrow, what do you say?" 

Carl nodded, feeling he couldn't say a word. He had so many things to think about!


	8. Chapter 8

"Carl!" 

Carl waited by the trucks until the Saviors completed their preparations to leave for Alexandria. When the boy turned, he saw Daryl behind him. The man walked over to him from the other side of the fence, where he took care of the walkers. 

,, Daryl! How are you? All right?" 

"Yeah boy, I'm alive ... Is he pulling you out again?" 

"I wanted to go," Carl admitted. "He's going to Alexandria and I can see Dad and Judith ..." 

"Will he let you?" 

Darl sounded surprised. 

"I had no desire to decide why he agreed," Carl explained. 

As he begged at Negan's door, he decided to keep it to himself. 

"Okay, make sure they're okay ... And where did you leave the bandage? You didn't want to leave the barracks without that damn thing. " 

Carl ran a hand over his bare face. It was unusual. He had been nervous since morning, feeling like everyone was looking at him. 

"I ... I decided I didn't want it anymore ... It was a lot of work ..." 

Daryl just stared at him. But Carl knew that Daryl didn't have to say anything out loud to say everything he wanted. Instead, he just nodded and returned to the walkers and his work. Carl did the same and returned to the trucks. 

The journey to Alexandria was long and annoying, just like the previous one. Carl sat in the front with Negan in the first truck, listening all the way to his story of absolutely everything that had occurred to Negan. Women, guns, settlements, yesterday's lunch, the weather, then guns again. Carl just let it flow and looked around. 

It was strange to see it all from the other side. He was usually next to his dad, trying to calm him down, watching the Savior take things away. Now he stood beside Negan, watching the man pick up the things the Saviors were carrying to his truck. 

"It's good today," Negan smiled contentedly, pointing to silver candlestick. 

Candlestick. Carl couldn't understand why Negan need a candlestick. On the other hand, he was a man with the head of a dead animal in a room on the wall. Maybe he was a hunter before it all? That would explain the obsession with the leather jacket. And guns. 

"Can I go see Dad?" 

Negan looked around. Carl knew the exact moment Negan saw Dad. 

,, Rick! Damn, it's Rick! I missed you so much! My favorite collector of all those nice things. " 

"Carl," Dad muttered, hugging him tightly. "Are you all right?" 

"Yeah Dad, everything's fine ..." 

"When will you return home ... And where is your bandage? You have to cover it up ... " 

Carl heard Negan's quiet laughter. 

,,Why?" 

Dad looked at him confused, as if he didn't understand his question. 

"Carl, it's ... You know what it looks like." 

Carl nodded. He knew what it looked like. 

"There are some bandages in the house, I can come for them and we'll tie it." 

Dad didn't wait any longer and left. Carl turned slowly to Negan, who was sitting in the back of the truck. The man was silent, which was always unusual for Negan. 

Carl just sighed and went to their house without a word. 

Dad was in the bathroom looking for bandages in the first aid kit. 

"Dad, let it be. I do not want to." 

,,What do you mean?" 

"I just don't want to cover it up. It's me." 

"Carl, this isn't you. It's an ugly scar, it says nothing about you. " 

"I think he says more than you think," Carl muttered 

"What the hell is that supposed to be?" Are there any nonsense that Negan is pushing in your head? " 

"Negan doesn't push anything in my head," Carl snapped. 

,,No? Do you think I didn't notice how you were behaving? You're here for the second time and you're not trying to get home at all. You volunteered to leave with that bastard! " 

"If I didn't leave, he would kill us!" 

Dad shook his head again. 

,,It is not true. You don't understand Carl, you're just a kid. " 

Kid. So he was still just a kid. 

Carl didn't expect anything more. Without a word, he turned and left the house, praying that his father would not follow him. Anger boiled in him. How could he be a kid? 

"Well, what don't I see. Problems in the fucking great and wonderful Grimes family? " 

Carl was suddenly so tired. He wanted to see his family. Don't argue with Dad. 

"Please ... Don't dig into it ..." 

Negan just stared at him for a moment. Finally, he jumped out of the back of the truck and came closer. 

"Carl, I know you don't want me to mess with it. But the guy grinds shit ... " 

"He say I'm a kid ..." 

He had no idea why he was saying that. And why is he telling Negan. Maybe because there was only one in the area who didn't see Carl as a kid. 

Negan laughed softly. He took Carl by the shoulders and pulled him closer. 

"Don't forget. Badass survivors ... " 

"Get those dirty hands off him!" 

Dad ran to them, his face twisted with anger. As soon as he reached them, two Saviors and a Simon appeared next to Negan, weapons in hand. 

,, Hi Prick! We just talked about you! " 

Carl felt Negan's grip tighten. 

"Leave him alone!" Dad shouted, pointing to Carl. 

"Dad, stop it." 

,, Stop it? Look at you! " 

Carl raised his head stubbornly. He was silent. He had nothing more to say to Dad. 

"I don't think your dear son wants to talk to you anymore," Negan chuckled. "And really, I've had enough of you too. Let's go, I have all the nice things I wanted ... " 

Carl let himself be led away, a tight grip still felt on his shoulder. 

"You shouldn't have done that," Carl muttered as he drove back. 

,,What exactly do you mean? I've done a lot of fucking things I shouldn't do. " 

"Arguing with Dad ... He'll be more mad at you ..." 

Negan just laughed and kept driving. 

"Carl, I think it's time to admit you won't make this better. Your dad can't even see me. He thinks I'm the damn worst thing that ever happened to this country. And I will be honest with you. I think your dad is a fucking idiot. " 

"He thinks so because you're acting like that." 

"Oh, now you've hurt me right in my black cold heart. You've known me for a few days. What the fuck do you know about me? " 

That was a fair point. Even from that strange previous life, he had seen Negan a few times. Did he talk to him that three times? Really only once. And now it was the same. The truth was, he had a lot of assumptions, but nothing was certain. 

"I think you used to be a mob boss." 

"Fuck," Negan laughed. "Mob boss? Why this?" 

Carl was glad the atmosphere in the car's cabin was cheerful. At least he didn't have to think about his father. 

"Criminal empire," Carl explained simply. "You look like someone who did some dirty business. Weapons, fast cars, alcohol, drugs ..." 

"Damn boy, you have some fucking interesting fantasy," Negan grinned. 

Carl turned away, trying to ignore Negan's tone. Exactly the same as when he made him beg. 

"But I must disappoint you. Before all this went to hell, I didn't own a gun business. I was a teacher." 

Carl turned quickly back to Negan. 

"You have to joke!" 

,,No! But if you guess what I taught, you get a reward, "Negan added teasingly. 

Carl knew how it was going. After all, he wasn't a kid. So he really thought about it. What could Negan teach? He couldn't imagine him as a teacher of mathematics, or perhaps history. But then the answer came to him like a snap of his fingers. 

"Sport, right? P.E.! " 

"Smart," Negan nodded. "How did you know?" 

Carl nodded at the bat lying between them in the seat. 

"Looks like you have experience working with a bat." 

"Yeah, baseball has always been a favorite sport among kids. I had no idea what was coming then, but now it's good to be able to work with that beauty. " 

"Teacher ... I still think the mobster fits you better," Carl added with a laugh. 

"It's clear to me," Negan nodded, leading the truck to the driveway to the factory.


	9. Chapter 9

Carl was beginning to have enough of that room. He was here for a few days at a time. He knew full well that Daryl, for example, was locked in a worse place than a room with a private bathroom. But it was still one room, one window, and still the same view. 

In his thoughts, he kept coming back to Dad. He liked him. It was Dad. But sometimes, sometimes he felt as if his dad only knew Carl before the apocyclapse. But not now. 

So why the only one who understood how he felt had to be the nemesis of his entire community. 

Mr. Teacher Negan. 

Carl had to laugh at the idea. It was clear to him that in the days before the apocalypse, Negan probably did not walk down the street and hit people in the head with a bat. But teacher? He could do it with children. Judith was a great example of this. He bet he would be very popular with the girl part of the students. Maybe even the boy part. Negan did not look like someone limited to one gender. On the other hand, he had only women in his private harem. 

And why could Carl think about that for so damn long? 

In the evening he decided to take a shower. He had bathed once that day, but rather than the usual quick clean-up, Carl wanted to relax. They seldom had a chance to waste water on something as useless as long hot showers. But in the factory, everything seemed to be enough. Carl was sure that one long shower wouldn't hurt anyone. 

The showers in the factory were fantastic. Ideal water pressure, hot water. Carl had no idea how long he had just stood there enjoying himself. It was pleasant, Forgetting everything, feeling the pleasant heat of the water, listening to the sound of the water and ... laughing? 

Carl turned off the water slowly. The sound of water died down as the sound of laughter intensified. Carl knew that because of the temperature of the water, the glass walls of the shower were foggy and nothing could be seen. But even so! 

"I thought I'd go see a visit, I just happened to be walking around ..." 

"Can you wait in next room?" 

"I could," Negan replied playfully. 

Carl sighed. 

"I want to get dressed. Can you go away? " 

"I don't know ... I could. But I would lose a lot of fun ... " 

Carl leaned his head against the wall and took a deep breath. 

,,Please..." 

There was a moment of silence in the bathroom 

"I think you're using it." 

Carl did not deny it. It was humiliating to ask the man anything. But the feeling that it worked for Negan was far from humiliating. 

The receding footsteps and the sound of the door closing filled the bathroom. 

Negan obeyed. 

For Carl, the idea was completely incomprehensible. The man did what he wanted. And literally, in any situation. And the thought that it was enough to say a simple "please" to Carl and the man did what Carl wanted was intoxicating. 

Was it the same feeling Negan felt as he commanded the Saviors and the people around him? Because if so, Carl could understand why he liked it so much. 

When he left the bathroom after a few minutes, he put on only sweatpants and a plain white T-shirt that he had found in the dresser the first day. Both pieces of clothing were big for him, but it was better than nothing. 

Negan sat on the bed, examining his bat. It always occurred to Carl that the man was too attached to the bat. 

He tried to ignore the fact that if it weren't for the attack of one tiger, this bat might have ended his life. He had to remember that it wasn't the same bat. And he wasn't the same man now watching him from his seats on the bed. 

,,What you want?" 

"You know that everything here belongs to me, don't you? Technically, I don't need anything to come here. Everything belongs to me - the bed, the closet, and the clothes ... And I can take it from you. " 

"Did I do something?" Carl asked directly. 

He didn't understand why Negan was suddenly so hostile. 

Negan was silent for a moment. And in the end, he did something Carl wouldn't believe in in his life. 

"Sorry ... it was a shitty day ..." 

Carl blinked a few times, disbelieving what he had heard. 

"You look like you see a ghost," Negan laughed lightly. 

"I didn't know you knew what an apology meant ..." 

"You're making me a very big bastard now," Negan said. "I've apologized so many times in my life that I couldn't fucking count it ..." 

Carl kept the sentence in his head. It sounded more like a memory than an ordinary statement. What could have happened so terrible that someone like Negan had to apologize? 

"But I'm not here for confession. I'm here for one question, and I hope you're honest. " 

Carl nodded quickly. There weren't many things he wouldn't tell the man. 

"I want to know if you helped Daryl escape." 

Carl didn't expect to lose his words for the second time in such a short time. 

"Daryl escaped ?!" 

Negan was silent. And Carl didn't like the growing suspicion he saw in the older man's eyes. 

"I didn't help him! The last time I saw him ... " 

"I know when you saw each other," Negan interrupted. "The people around you saw you. They saw you having fun, but no one knows what. And then he suddenly disappeared." 

"I've been here!" Carl said quickly. "I've been locked up all day!" 

,,Really? So you didn't give him anything during your little family meeting? " 

Carl stopped. 

,,What do you mean?" 

"I've heard a lot of rumors from people who have seen you together several times." 

"Several times? I've seen him twice! And you were there once! " 

"You're kind of upset," Negan grinned. 

Carl shook his head. 

"I don't know who is telling you this nonsense ... I've been here all day. Ask the master who brings food here. And what should I give him? Machine gun? Hidden in my pocket? " 

Carl knew he was too upset. But he hated it when someone pointed something at him. If he had a chance, he'd be damn happy to help Daryl escape. Because the guy didn't deserve to be here. But he didn't do it. " 

"Why would they lie to me?" 

Carl shrugged. He had about a hundred reasons. 

"I don't know. Did they want to hurt you? Daryl is a warrior and he would definitely like to take revenge on you. Maybe someone you upset let him go. I guess there will be a lot of such people here, "he added a little sarcastically. 

Negan's gaze darkened. 

"Do you think my people are traitors?" 

"What about the guy, the ex-husband of one of your" wives. " I remember her, from ... from the past. She was blonde. She cried because she met him behind your back. And you put a hot iron on his face! " 

"How do you know about an iron?" Negan shouted in shock 

Carl grinned. 

"I've been here before, remember? You took me there and showed me how you "punished" him for wanting to see the woman he probably loves. And the girl had to look at it. " 

"How ... Damn, don't make me really believe this ... What you're saying happened yesterday!" 

"Then I think it's clear that there are probably enough people who don't like you." 

"My wives?" They're fucking happy where they are! "Negan said confidently. 

But Carl saw a spark of doubt in his eyes. 

"I doubt it a little," Carl muttered. "When I saw them ... They're with you because it's good for them. But maybe the brown-haired, shoulder-length hair, she didn't seem to like seeing you ... " 

,,Sherry? Sherry is my top wife, "Negan snapped." When she realized that Dwight meant nothing to her, she understood what was best for her. " 

Carl sighed. 

"So Sherry was with Dwight, which is the guy with the scar on his face, and you think they're both happy with how it is now?" 

It was as if Carl had hit the target with that question. Negan was silent for a frighteningly long moment, his gaze clearly showing that he was lost in thought. Finally, he got up quickly and almost ran out without a word. 

Carl put his head in his hands. He only hoped that he had not now sentenced two people to death solely on the basis of his conjecture. 

But their death better than his own, right?


	10. Chapter 10

The next day, when Carl was sent out to unload another truck, Carl saw two new walkers behind the fence. 

They were at the gate, side by side, like an unspoken warning. 

Carl knew it would happen. He was grateful that he was not there instead. But. It was two human lives that ended prematurely. And unnecessarily. 

Or maybe it wasn't unnecessarily? 

It didn't have to mean anything to Carl. On the contrary, he was glad that Darl had escaped. For Carl, his stay at the Sanctuary was quite hassle-free. And he knew it was harder for Daryl. So, of course, he was glad he got home. 

But he also understood Negan's point of view. It was a betrayal. And betrayal was probably one of the worst things anyone could do for Negan. Carl understood. He hated betrayal and experienced it more times than he liked. 

Carl usually let it be. He tried to look cool, as if he didn't care. Negan went instead and did something about it. 

Carl would like to have that power too. Not physical (although it would be useful too), but mental. Be able to stand up to your demons, fight them and win. 

But when Carl returned to his room accompanied by Simon's in the afternoon and prepared to take a shower, something occurred to him. Looking into the mirror at his scarred face, he realized that his battle had already begun. 

The third return to the Sanctuary was awkward. Carl couldn't call it otherwise. Negan took it with him voluntarily this time, he even suggested it himself. Carl didn't want to question it. As soon as they reached the settlement, Carl recognized that it was something else. Most of the inhabitants who stood around looked at him angrily. His own father stayed with other people at his house. He made no effort to talk to Carl. 

Carl tried his best to ignore it and volunteered to help load the truck. It was easier to help steal things from his own home than to look at the remorse he saw in the eyes of others. 

"Does it seem just to me, or did you piss someone off a lot?" 

Carl handed one of the Saviors a box full of food and turned to Negan, who was standing nearby, looking around. 

,,What do you mean?" 

"They've been staring at us since we came. I'm surprised they threw you on the blacklist. Even your dear dad stays in the background. " 

Carl tried as hard as he could to look like he didn't care. That it didn't hurt him like a damn knife stab. He tried to protect them all. And he only gets silence and hateful looks. He hardly knows most of Alexandria's population. Sometimes he wondered why he was trying to change something because of them. 

"I don't know what happened," he said simply. 

"I think you're lying. And I have to tell you you're lying damn bad. You know what? Let's take a look at someone who probably likes you here as the last person. " 

And so they ended up sitting on the porch of Carl's house. Carl tried to ignore the angry look sent to him by his father standing nearby. Negan was sitting next to him on the bench, holding Judith in his arms. They even had the disgusting instant lemonade that Negan always insisted on. Carl didn't understand why. 

Judith was really the only one happy that Carl was home. She hugged him, then hugged Negan and stayed with him. Negan was just telling her about killing several walkers last week. Judith didn't seem to know what Negan was talking about, so she just laughed occasionally. 

It was perverted. But also cute at the same time. 

Negan's monologue about the difference in the use of weapons versus bat was interrupted by a woman who came to him and pointed to a man standing nearby in a group of locals. 

"Boss?" That guy wants to talk to you. He has a suggestion for you. " 

Carl leaned forward to see where the woman was pointing. And he froze. 

It was Spencer. 

And Carl remembered well how Spencer had turned out. 

The woman left. Negan turned to Carl and nodded at Spencer. 

"Do you know the idiot?" 

Carl nodded hesitantly. 

"I guess there's some wild fucking plot from your past again, isn't there?" 

"He wanted to betray Dad. He suggested you kill him. Then he'd take Alexandria and climb your ass. " 

"I hate that bastards," Negan sighed, returning to Judith's swinging. "If that jerk wants Rick Prick dead, he'll kill him himself. I'm a leader, not a hitman." 

"How benevolent," Carl murmured. 

"What happened to him?" Last time?" 

Carl shuddered at the memory. It was just disgusting. 

"You gutted him. You said he didn't have guts. And then you shouted something about the fact that you were never so wrong, that he had guts. " 

"Sounds like me," Negan laughed, turning to Judith. "What do you think? Shall we see again if he's got those guts?" 

Judith laughed happily. Carl hoped Negan would not take it as an encouragement to action. 

"So this bastard is the next one you want to save?" 

"Language," Carl said immediately. "You speak too vulgarly in front of her. She'll learn." 

"Only good. If she's just a little like you, she'll be one damn badass warrior. I already feel sorry for the guys who decide to play with her. " 

Carl inadvertently laughed at this view. He could imagine that, too. He hoped he could make it this time. He wanted to see when she was older. He wanted to teach her to shoot, to protect herself. But also things like reading, counting, enjoying a normal life. 

,,You did not answer me." 

Carl looked away from his sister and looked at Negan, who nodded at Spencer again. 

He was still standing in his circle of locals, looking in their direction. Carl didn't like the way he watched them back. 

,,What do you want from me?" 

"If I talk to him, he'll probably offer me his stupid plan. Now I know what the first option is. I ask you if I should look for another one. " 

"Would you look for another one for me?" Carl asked quietly, surprised by Negan's question. 

"I'm not just a killing machine," Negan said, handing Judith the bottle of water she'd been trying to reach during their conversation. "By leading me to Sherry and Dwight, you helped me uncover a betrayal that would cost me dearly. I think I can repay you for this favor. Even if it means letting one idiot live. " 

Carl was silent. Did he really have the power to decide at this point whether the man would live or die? 

Spencer was probably important to the community. People quite liked him. But he wanted to kill Dad. And Carl was sure that even if Negan let him live, he would find another way to try. 

Was that a reason to kill him? 

"I don't think anyone will miss him here," Carl said at last. 

Negan just smiled. It was a predatory cold smile that awakened something wild in Carl. 

Carl remained seated on the porch. Negan carefully handed Judith to him, took his bat, and nodded at Spencer. The man came to him with a smile, obviously sure of his plan. 

It was a short conversation. Carl finally stood up, his sister firmly in his arms, her face hidden in his shirt. He didn't want her to see it. But he did. When Negan first hit Spencer in the head with a bat, Carl made sure he had a good view. People around were screaming, Carl heard crying. His dad stood in shock near the porch. Negan repeated blow after blow, it was infinitely long. 

Finally, when the wounds stopped, Negan lifted his head from the corpse and looked directly at Carl. 

It was as if there was a promise of something dark, wild in that look. There were splatters of blood on Negan's face, his lips parted by sharp breaths. 

At that moment, Carl thought that Negan had never looked better. 

They should have left. Carl walked to the truck, about to leave. However, a hand on his wrist stopped him. 

After turning his head, Carl found out it was his dad. 

,, Carl! What the hell was that? " 

"He was going to betray you, he wanted to take over Alexandria." 

"Are you kidding? Do you think I didn't see your conversation with Negan? " 

Carl frowned. He expected a little gratitude. Dad had a traitor by him the whole time, and he didn't even know it. God knows what Spencer might do in the future. 

,,What do you mean?" 

"From where I stood, it looked like you sent Negan to Spencer." 

Carl snorted. 

"Negan is not my dog. I didn't send him anywhere. " 

But Dad didn't look convinced. 

"I don't know you anymore," he said at last. "You don't act like my son ... Old Carl would never do that!" 

It was like a punch. 

"Am I not acting like your son? And how should it be? Should I have let him plan your murder? He lived next door to Judith, did you think? He could do anything to anyone at any time. And what would you do with it ?! " 

"Murder is not the solution, Carl!" 

Carl looked over Dad's shoulder at the body still lying on the ground. 

"I see it differently ..." 

Dad straightened, an expression on his face that he always had when talking to someone he didn't want to talk to. 

"If you're serious about this, I don't think you have anything to do here." 

And then he just left. 

Carl stood, stunned by what his father had told him. 

Did Dad really kick him out of the settlement? Just because he told him the truth that Dad refused to see? 

"Carl?" 

"He kicked me out ... Because of Spencer ..." 

Negan's palms appeared on Carl's shoulders. Carl felt an irrational sense of security in that touch. 

"He doesn't know what he's missing ... If you were mine, I would never let you go ..." 

Carl kept his eyes on his father, now only silhouetted away from him. 

Maybe that was true. Old Carl was gone.


	11. Chapter 11

That night, after the Alexandria incident, Carl was slowly getting ready for bed. It was dark outside, and Carl could see some stars in the clear night sky through the barred window. He would like to go for a walk. Living in a factory was not bad, but he lacked the opportunity to go out as he wished. 

However, other thoughts were interrupted by the click of the lock. the door opened and Simon appeared. 

,,Come with me." 

Carl sat on the bed in confusion. 

,,What's happening?" 

Carl couldn't help but notice that Simon was looking at him strangely. Not bad, just weird. 

"Negan wants to see you." 

The way to Negan's room was strangely long. They walked slowly, Simon didn't seem in a hurry. When they reached the door to Negan's room, Simon suddenly grabbed Carl's hand and pulled him aside. 

,,What..." 

"You have to be careful," Simon muttered, his eyes quickly watching the surroundings. 

It was as if he was checking to see if anyone was listening. 

"Watch out for what?" 

"On Negan." 

Carl frowned. He thought Simon was Negan's loyal soldier. 

,,I do not understand..." 

"And what the hell don't you understand ?! You're playing with something you can't understand! " 

,,Why I can not?" 

"Because you're just a kid! Do you think Negan will suddenly start to like you because he has a weakness for one-eyed orphans? " 

Carl had a sharp answer on his tongue. But then he looked over Simon's shoulder and saw that the door to the room was open. And in them stood Negan. 

Carl could easily have warned Simon. It was probably something Negan shouldn't hear. 

He could, but he didn't have to. 

"And why do you think Negan does that?" 

Simon was so busy explaining his idea that he didn't hear the steps approaching them. 

"He just wants to use you. It must be clear to you. You are the son of our enemy. If you don't benefit him, he'll get rid of you. Do you really want to end up like those walkers outside the gate? " 

Carl folded his arms across his chest. Why all the people around him needed to tell him what to do, who to talk to. He was already sick of it! 

"Is that what you want, Negan?" Carl asked directly, turning to Negan, who was standing behind Simon. "Get rid of me when I'm not useful to you?" 

Simon seemed really scared. He turned quickly to Negan. 

"Boss, I ..." 

"I have such a fucking strong feeling that you don't agree with what's going on here, my dear Simon." 

Simon was silent for a moment. Eventually, a defiant expression appeared on his face. 

"I can't look at it. You want his dad dead, I get it. That's what we all want here. But do you have to use a little boy for that? " 

"So you decided to become his damn guardian angel and save him from me?" 

"Someone has to do it," Simon snapped. "You always said it yourself - we don't hurt kids. You killed our own people when they attacked the kids. And now you're doing the same!" 

Negan was silent for a moment. Then he turned slowly to Carl. 

,,Is it true? Do you feel like I'm using you? Or am I even hurting you? " 

Simon looked at Carl as if urging him to say something. Was it Simon's attempt to get him from Negan? Was Simon worried about him? 

When Carl remembered what Simon had repeatedly called him a kid, he rejected the idea. He didn't care about him. He probably wasn't comfortable with Negan paying attention to someone else. 

"I don't feel like anyone's using me," Carl said stubbornly, ignoring Simon's irritated look. 

"You don't know what you got yourself into," Simon said. 

"I feel more like someone is trying to get me out of here," Carl added. 

"It seems to me that Carl knows quite well what he wants," Negan said with a smile. 

"I think we're going to talk about your worries about Carl, what do you say, Simon? And you, Carl, wait for me in the room. Make yourself comfortable for now, then I'll come back to you. " 

Carl had nothing more to say. So he went to the room, ignoring the thoughts of what Negan might have planned. 

Negan's bedroom was nice. Carl finally had a chance to look around in peace, uninterrupted by any threats or requests to sing. Everything was so modern, tidy. It reminded Carl of the thick housing catalogs his mother liked to buy. Then she read them for hours, looking for inspiration to improve their old house. 

Carl stared at the wall to the right of the window. He didn't understand why anyone wanted to put the heads of dead animals on the wall. Somehow he doubted it was really Negan's trophy. 

But the rest of the room was fine. But if Carl was really interested, it was the bed. 

She was giant. Perhaps the greatest he had ever seen. Carl ran his palm lightly over the dark gray sheets. It was nice. He had an ordinary blanket in his room. It wasn't bad, how many times since the beginning of the apocalypse had he slept on earth, without anything he could cover at least a little. So he was grateful for whatever he had. 

But that would be nice. Not just something to keep you warm, no matter how you felt or how it looked. This bed literally encouraged you to lie down. 

Carl finally resisted the temptation and sat down on a leather seat. Usually he didn't love leather things very much. He preferred the animals alive rather than dead and stretched out like a blanket. But it was comfortable ... Carl wanted to remain vigilant, waiting for Negan's return. Eventually, however, he felt tired, and Carl rested his head on a small pillow beside him on the sofa. He could close his eyes for just a few minutes.


	12. Chapter 12

"Get up, honey ..." 

Carl shuddered a little, hearing a voice trying to wake him. Carl prayed for the voice to shut up and let him sleep. 

There was a moment of silence. Carl began to fall asleep again. Then suddenly he felt a touch of lips on his face. He opened his eyes slowly and saw Negan looking at him with a gentle smile. 

"Good morning, Beauty Sleep ..." 

Carl felt himself blush. Why did the man always know what to say ?! 

"You shouldn't sleep on the couch, you know ..." 

Carl sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes. 

"Where's Simon?" 

Negan got up and shrugged. Carl just watched curiously as Negan went to pour himself a glass of alcohol. 

"Simon has decided that he no longer shares the same ideals as I have. Apparently it's been a problem for the last few weeks ... " 

"Is it related to me?" 

"Maybe just coming here has changed far more than you think," Negan said mysteriously. 

"Is ... Is Simon okay?" 

"Are you worried about him?" 

"I'd like to know what you did to him ..." 

"That's not quite the answer." 

Carl knew that well. If he was to be honest, and Carl had been a lot lately, he didn't care. For him, Simon was someone who used to unlock his doors and give him a job. He was not his friend. Just another person who felt he knew better what was good for him than he did. And Carl had had enough of such people. It was another reminder of the betrayal inflicted on him by his own father. 

"I don't like it when someone makes me a little kid," Carl said at last, straightening the pillow he'd slept on before. 

"I think only an idiot can think you're a little boy. Unfortunately, I have to say that even though I'm try really damn hard, I still don't understand why you're trying to save the lives of the people around you. You got a second chance. And while I hate to admit it, I'm starting to think that maybe it really happened. And instead of taking care of your quiet life, you save the ass of people who consider you an asshole. " 

Carl had been thinking about it for a while. Instead of gratitude, he received only contempt. But he heard it out loud, it was something else. 

"They are my people ... We protect each other ..." 

"Do you feel that any of them are protecting you? That any of them care about you? One person who greeted you recently was your sister. I think she's the only damn person who deserves your care, too. " 

Carl had no idea what to say. 

,,It is not like that! They..." 

Negan shook his head and sat down next to Carl, a look of determination. 

"Carl, stop lying. Do you really feel that you are grateful for everything you sacrificed? In the woods, you decided to get in the caravan instead of Rick, even though you knew you would suffer. And believe me, if you experienced what I planned for him, you would suffer. And yet you offered yourself instead. You came here, unaware of what awaited you here. And what did you get for it? Remorse? Is that what you want to listen to for the rest of your life? " 

"I wanted to protect my family," Carl said weakly. 

Negan nodded understandingly and hugged Carl around the shoulders. Carl allowed it, finding a welcome comfort in that embrace. 

,,And what do you think? Which member of your beautiful family there is worth protecting? " 

"Judith ..." 

Negan nodded. 

,,Exactly. And do you think she's safe where she is? " 

"Dad wouldn't let anything happen to her! It's his..." 

Carl stopped. Dad could take care of Judith, but she wasn't his daughter. 

"I feel another fucking plot in it," Negan grinned. 

Carl sighed Well, it wasn't something Negan could use against anyone. 

"Judith is my mom's daughter. But not my dad. Mom ... Before it all happened, Dad was in a coma. He was shot on duty. He was then at Harrison Memorial Hospital. during that, mom got together with his friend. Eventually, Dad learned that Judith was not his daughter. " 

Carl was expecting a mocking remark. But Negan stared at Carl as if he saw a ghost. 

"Harrison Memorial Hospital?" 

Carl nodded slowly. 

"Yeah ... His friend and I were there the day it started. We wanted to get inside, but there were soldiers, so we had to get out. Then we ran away from the city. " 

"Shit ... this is fucking weird," Negan finally laughed a little hysterically. 

,,What do you mean?" 

,,I was there. The day it fucked up. I was inside. " 

Carl had been surprised several times in his life. But perhaps never like now. 

,,Are you kidding me?! How ... Why were you there? " 

Negan's laughter subsided, his face grew serious. 

"That's not something I want to say..." 

But Carl didn't want to give up so easily. 

,,Come on! I told you what I could. I told you about Judith. I told you ... what happened to me ... don't you believe me? " 

"Trust has turned out to be a damn bad idea in recent days," Negan grinned. "I lost three people. People who swore to me that I could trust them." 

That was a valid point. He could understand why Negan was vigilant. 

"I see ... Well, we'll let it be ... But it's an interesting coincidence," Carl admitted. "Did you live in the city?" 

"Yeah, we had a house on the edge. Not much of a neighborhood, but we were quite happy there. " 

,,We?" 

"Damn ... All right, I'll tell you ... Shit ... I was married. That day, in the hospital, I was with my wife. " 

,,Wife? Is she one of the women you have here? " 

Negan laughed surprisingly. But it was a bit of a sad bitter laugh. 

"She would never let me do that. Lucille was not that kind of woman. She was far too good for me ..." 

"Lucille, that's ..." 

And then Carl realized. Negan's bat was called Lucille. 

"Damn ... I'm sorry ..." 

Negan shrugged, as if it didn't matter. But Carl could tell the sadness in his eyes. 

"It's been a long time. I'm glad she doesn't have to live in this ... She wouldn't deserve it ... " 

It was at that moment that Carl realized that Negan was simply human. 

For Carl, Negan has always been someone ... like a legend. You hear everything possible about them and it's up to you to find out what is true. But now, now he looked like an ordinary man who sincerely loved his wife and lost her. 

"She ... Did it happen to her?" 

"Yeah ... I thought for a moment that maybe she didn't die. That the doctors were wrong ... But then it was clear to me that something was fucking wrong. It wasn't my wife on that bed anymore ... Be glad you didn't have to see this, "Negan sighed and drank his glass of alcohol. 

Carl remembered his mother. 

,,I have seen it..." 

,,What do you mean?" 

"When Judith was born ... My mother couldn't do it. Maggie had to cut Judith out. Then they left. I stayed with my mom until I could ... Then I had to shoot her ... " 

"What the ... shit. And where was Rick ?! Don't tell me he left you there with your dying mom! " 

Carl shrugged. 

"I don't know ... I was younger ..." 

Negan shook his head. 

"He's a bastard ... I've always known, but this ... Tell me he was there when you died ..." 

Carl grinned. 

"He was there with me until the end. Then he went out. I didn't want him to be there ... I shot myself ... " 

Negan was silent. 

"Shit," he said at last. 

"It doesn't matter anymore," Carl said. "It's gone ..." 

"He's a bastard." 

"Yeah, that's what you said." 

,,I'm serious. I don't understand how he can let the people he says he loves suffer ... " 

"Not everyone has the strength to do that," Carl said. 

"Yeah, I know, believe me ... I promised myself I would never make such a fucking mistake again ..." 

Carl nodded. He couldn't do it alone, let someone suffer and watch his loved one become a soulless monster. 

"Damn, I planned this night a little differently," Negan admitted with a sigh and went to pour himself another glass. 

"Can I have some too?" 

Carl tried it. He usually heard the same answer - no alcohol for the children. 

Negan just nodded and took another glass. 

"Full?" 

,, Well ... A little? I want to try it..." 

Negan chuckled and only half-filled the other glass. 

"Okay, what are we drinking to?" He asked after handing Carl a glass. 

"Um ... for new beginnings?" 

Negan tapped his glass on Carl's and nodded. 

"For new fucking beginnings."


	13. Chapter 13

Carl was drunk. Not too much. But he could feel the alcohol pulsing through his body. 

"Another glass?" 

Carl shook his head slowly and placed the empty glass on the table. 

"No ... That's enough ..." 

Negan definitely had more glasses than Carl. And full, not just half. But coping with alcohol seemed to be another Negan´s advantage. 

"I should go ... go to sleep ..." 

Negan leaned closer. Carl just swallowed, smelling the distinctive scent of his cologne again. 

"I can take you to your room ... Or you can stay here ..." 

Staying here ... Carl may have been a little drunk, but he still understood what was behind the sentence. 

"I ... I'd like to stay," Carl agreed a little timidly. "But ..." 

"Just sleep, right?" 

Carl nodded. He could throw himself headlong into it. But he wanted it on another occasion. Better one. Not in the heat of alcohol. 

,,I want! I really want to! I don't want you to think something else! But..." 

The palm over his mouth suddenly silenced him. 

Negan's smile didn't fade, but it became a little softer. 

"Never explain to anyone why the hell you don't want something. If you just want to sleep here, come to bed. " 

Carl nodded gratefully. 

It was early in the morning. Through the large windows in the room, Negan saw the first rays of the sun that began to appear in the sky. 

Negan was always awake early. At this times, he felt that his ability to sleep long disappeared, along with the last remnants of the civilization around him. 

Carl slept. He fell asleep shortly after he got to bed. 

Negan had a plan. Seduce him, get what he wanted. Use whatever he could to get the boy on his side. And maybe enjoy it a little, why not? 

And then everything went to hell. 

Negan planned to use everything he could to get information out of the boy. But instead of fully embarking on his plan, the boy helped him uncover the betrayal of Sherry and Dwight. And completely unintentionally. Just because he told him people didn't like him. 

Negan knew he would never win a damn popularity award. But he was here to lead those people, not to be a favorite. At least that was what he said to himself every time he looked into the eyes of people who wished for his death. He laughed at them, insulting them. He always thought he didn't care. 

After that, he thought he would return to his plan. He still felt that the boy might know something. And every piece of information is better than none. 

And instead of getting information, he sat with Carl on the couch, confiding in each other as teenagers after the first fuck. He always thought he had a fucking life. But when he heard Carl speak, the boy himself had a pretty fucking life too. 

When he talked about Lucille, he remembered how she always screamed at him when he came home drunk from the bar at three in the morning and she knew he was fucking another woman. She shouted at him that all he could do was destroy other people's lives. He apologized to her, he was a good boy for a few weeks. And then he went and fucked another woman, with no interest in who she was. 

And then suddenly he was sitting in the hospital, next to his wife, and the doctor informed her that she had cancer. 

At that moment, he decided to stop. That he will be the husband that his perfect beautiful wife deserves. 

In the end, he only managed to cheat his wife twice before he really quit. 

And Lucille was home, waiting for him as she had so many times before. But she no longer had the strength to shout or throw anything at him. She just sat in a chair, her painful reproachful look far worse than all the slap and fist she could give him. 

And here he was, ready to ruin another life. 

As Carl slept, his face buried in the pillow, the dim light of the room was enough for Negan to remind him of his wife. Same brown hair, slender figure, light blue eye. 

Was it supposed to be his punishment? A reminder of his past miserable life that he had tried so hard to forget? 

"Negan?" 

Negan turned his head to Carl, who was watching him sleepily, still partially hidden in a large fluffy pillow. Negan liked this shit. He liked nice things. With Carl, those things seemed even nicer. 

,,Good morning..." 

,,My head hurts..." 

Negan had to smile at the quiet whimper. 

"You shouldn't have drunk like you go celebrate graduate ..." 

Carl muttered something and moved a little closer. All he had to do was make room, and in a moment he had Carl in his arms, his head on his shoulder. 

Usually, such moments would make him sick. 

"I don't like alcohol ..." 

,,You'll get used to it." 

The room was quiet again for a moment. Negan inadvertently stroked Carl's hair with his fingers, looking out the window. He should get up soon. He had a job to do. 

But this was so fucking good. Maybe the job could just wait. 

"Negan?" 

"Hm?" 

"I want something ..." 

"If it's not a fucking diamond necklace, I'll be of service." 

Carl laughed softly. 

"Diamonds are useless ... even if they're beautiful ..." 

Negan had to admit that the idea of Carl wearing nothing but a nice necklace was damn tempting. 

"So what will it be?" 

"Could you leave the door to my room unlocked? I want to walk around sometimes, get out ... " 

"Carl, I'm sure you understand why you can't," Negan sighed. "Most people here think you want to kill us all. Which you probably wanted before. You have to stay here as a guarantee against Prick. " 

"Is that what I am for you? A guarantee against Dad? " 

Why the boy always had to ask the worst questions at the worst moment. 

Negan sensed that he had been silent for too long. Carl got up, released Negan's grip, and sat. 

"It's not just about me," Negan replied at last. "People around you know who you are. Who you belong to." 

"I don't belong to anyone," Carl frowned. 

But then his expression cleared. 

"Do you think ... would there be any way to convince them that things ... have changed?" 

Negan was captivated by the sentence. 

"Since when have you made any damn effort to change the attitude of the local people towards you?" 

"Looks like I'll be here for a long time ... I think it's stupid for me to be locked in a room every day and looking out the window ...." 

"Well ... We could try to include you among my people ... The question is, what should you do? I have enough soldiers ... " 

Negan suddenly remembered a position where he was currently missing someone. 

"My main wife has disappeared," Negan chuckled. 

"Main?" Carl asked hesitantly, and lay back down to Negan. 

Negan nodded and took Carl by the shoulders. 

"Sherry wasn't just here to look pretty. Even though she was fucking hot. She was responsible for everyone else. She made sure they had everything they needed, to do what they had and not do what they shouldn't. I don't have time to find out what each of them wants, how they are and so on. That was a task for Sherry ... " 

"Should I do ... your harem manager?" 

"That's a fucking weird name ... but yeah. Most of them don't have much leadership skills ... Their skills lie a bit ... in other areas. I can't just let them wander around and not know what they're doing and who they're having fun with. If I had any idea who Sherry was dealing with then, I'd still have my dear Daryl here. " 

Carl was silent for a long moment. 

"Will you keep them? Your wives? " 

Negan waited the question for a long time. And he wondered how Carl would dispute the answer. 

"Yeah, I will ... To tell you the truth, I'm used to having a choice if you understand what I'm talking about," he added scornfully. "I have an agreement with them and their families. They're not here just because I wanted to fuck them. But mainly because I want to fuck them ... " 

Negan watched Carl's face intently. The boy always expressed his emotions too much. It was like a fucking kaleidoscope! 

"I thought so," Carl finally admitted. 

,,Does it bother you?" 

Carl shrugged, as if trying to make sure he didn't care about the whole conversation. 

"It was clear to me that you didn't care much about them ... I think it's true that I'm not an exception," he added bitterly. 

Negan shook his head. The boy had a terrifying sense of self-hatred. 

"Carl ... I won't get rid of the rest of the wife, I won't take you to some fucking chapel and we won't go hand in hand on the beach ... But I can still care about you . Do you think I would do such a shit for anyone? Really not. Usually I'm not interested in the family problems of others ... " 

"I ... I was glad you were there with me when Dad ... said those things …" 

“I keep saying that - he's a fucker. He doesn't know what he lost ... " 

Negan seemed to be still good at words, according to the tingling on Carl's face he was trying to hide. 

"What would I have to do?" 

,,What do you think?" 

"Like ... the manager ..." 

Negan suppressed his the triumphant smirk that pulled him around the corners. 

"Nothing complicated. You will take care of them. Ask them how they should be, find out what happens if they are sad or upset. Watch out if they understand that another betrayal is not a damn good idea. I think you'll be great at that. You're a good boy, but you won't let anyone fuck with you. " 

"Okay ... I can try it ..." 

Negan nodded contentedly. Great. Fucking great. Who would have thought this morning would be so damn great! 

"But we have a problem ..." 

,,What?" 

"My wives, what you've probably seen, have such a nice black short dress as a uniform ... We'll see how the dress would fit you ..." 

Then Negan just felt a punch in the face with a fluffy pillow. 

"I won't wear any fucking dress!"


	14. Chapter 14

"Do you remember what we said to each other?" 

"I will take care of them, help them. They can't find out I'm watching them for you " 

"You're fucking perfect, you know that?" 

Carl felt himself blush again. He did it often in Negan's presence. Too often. 

"What if they ask ..." 

"What exactly?" 

,, Well ... What am I doing there? I think when they see me, they'll ask what why I am here with you ... " 

"Um, that's right. They're curious babies ... What do you want to tell them? " 

Carl bowed his head, watching the black door where they stood. 

"I don't know ..." 

Negan came closer and took Carl by the chin, lifting his head to look into his eyes. 

"Do you doubt it?" 

Carl actually nodded. He was afraid of what they would say. What will they think of him. What they will ask. Carl always avoided strangers. 

"You have to be strong ... You're my little badass survivor, aren't you?" 

Carl nodded again. 

Negan smiled happily and kissed Carl lightly on the lips. As he tried to pull away, Carl chased after his lips, longing for another kiss. Negan's lips returned, his tongue running lightly over Carl's lower lip, as if asking permission. And Carl wanted nothing more than to deepen the kiss. 

Probably barely a few seconds passed, it was an eternity for Carl. It was a little embarrassing, but it was probably the best kiss he had ever received. 

Not that he got that many. 

"You're such a good little thing, aren't you? Show them what's best for them. I know you can do it. You have it in you ... And after that, come see me tonight. We'll have a lot to talk about ... " 

Carl nodded breathlessly, still feeling his lips as if in fire. 

It was probably the most embarrassing thing Carl had ever experienced. He stood next to Negan, who cheerfully explained the new plan to his wives. Sherry was gone, Carl was here. Carl was afraid of the looks that must have followed. He was still walking around without a bandage, and he understood that this was probably not the best sight for a group of women. They were all so beautiful, tidy, classy. He felt poor among them. But when he finally raised his head, he was shocked. Most of the women looked at him with such compassion that his head almost became tangled. 

"I hope I can leave you here, meeting each other. I have a job ladies, so take good care of Carl here for me! " 

And then he left with a cheerful step. 

The door closed and Carl turned, a little frightened, to the women in front of him. 

"Oh God," one of them yelled suddenly, taking his hand. "Come here. We have to put you together ..." 

Carl blinked in confusion. The woman looked quite likeable, but unfortunately Carl couldn't remember her name. He sat down on the couch, the woman sat down next to him, the rest of the wives sat on the free sofas and armchairs, watching him closely. 

"I ... I'm fine," Carl said weakly. 

"You just think so," the woman said. "I'm Tanya. I'll show you how it works here." 

Tanya. She looked sympathetic. She didn't look at him like a lunatic, which was good enough for him so far. 

"Carl ... Thanks ... There's a lot going on now," he added hesitantly. 

Tanya and the other women laughed. 

,,I understand. Do not worry. We'll get to know each other a little bit. " 

Negan's wives were nice. Another shock Carl experienced in the Sanctuary. He always had the impression that they would be like some harpies surrounding Negan and jealously guarding him. 

After a few hours in their presence, Carl got the impression that they didn't care which one was sleeping with him or which Negan was paying attention to. 

Carl ended up at the bar, where Tanya poured him a sweet drink. 

"Did Negan tell you what your job will be?" 

Carl nodded. 

"He was talking about ... taking care of you. When you need or want something ... " 

"Honestly, I'm glad for that," Tanya nodded. "Sherry was a nice woman. Even though what she did was terrible. She must have known how it would end... But it was great that we had someone to deal with Negan for us. He ... he's a little problematic sometimes. Sherry wasn't afraid of him. " 

Carl had to smile at that. 

"You mean you think he's an asshole sometimes?" 

Tanya's eyes widened in shock. 

"I see you're not afraid of him either ..." 

"He's never done me any harm," Carl nodded. "I think he'll appreciate honesty sometimes ... But he's nice to you, isn't he?" 

Tanya nodded. 

"He never hit any of us. He ... has other ways to punish someone. But I think you know that ... " 

Carl could only agree. Negan had his ways of forcing someone to suffer without having to touch them. 

"But let's not just talk about bad things," Tanya smiled. "I think we're all curious about a story about you! Where did Negan find you?" 

So they wanted gossip. It was to be expected. 

"I lived in Alexandria, we met nearby. I came here as ... a representative my settlement ... Thanks to that, Negan and I ... got a little closer ... " 

Tanya smiled at Carl, as if she knew exactly what was hiding behind the sentences. 

"And how is it going so far? The rapprochement with Negan? " 

Carl turned his attention to the glass at the bar. 

"All right ... We have some common themes ..." 

"I can imagine that," Tanya laughed. "Everyone knows that Negan has a weakness for pretty young people. Usually they were just women, but you seem to have charmed him ..." 

,,Nothing like this! We ... Not this ... " 

Carl didn't want everyone to think he was just another thing in Negan's collection. 

"I see," Tanya said, her tone kind and calm. "We're all here voluntarily. For various reasons. But voluntarily. If you just wanted a piece of our leader too, no one will judge you here." 

A piece of the leader. Was that what Carl wanted? He knew what Negan had told him. That they will not be exclusive, whatever could be between them in the future. Negan liked his lifestyle and did not intend to change it for Carl's sake. It seemed fair to Carl. It wasn't pleasant. But he understood. 

"Well ... If we still have time before evening ... what if we took care of you a little? You are so neglected! " 

Carl looked at his plaid shirt and worn jeans. He had nothing else with him, he didn't take anything from home. But he was happy with that. He learned to be happy with everything anyone gave him. 

"What do you want to do to me?" 

Tanya just smiled and nodded at the women around her.


	15. Chapter 15

Carl didn't believe what was going on. He was sitting in the bathroom with a towel around his waist and three women standing around him. 

Tanya decided that Carl needed to be beautified. After all, he was to be part of Negan's marriage harem now, so he had to represent well. 

Carl had never heard anything more stupid in his life. 

But here he was, sitting on a chair in the bathroom. Tanya told him something about how all the wives dressed and what they did during the day, while another of the women combed his freshly washed hair. He had no idea what the third woman was doing behind him. 

"I don't think most people love us very much ... Maybe they're angry that we're not working," Tanya admitted. 

"And you don't want to go to work?" 

Tanya shrugged and took Carl's hand in hers, then began sawing his nails. 

"I used to work like everyone else. I've only been here two years. But Negan doesn't want us to do anything. He doesn't require it. " 

That was new information. Carl did not expect most of his wives to have a desire to do anything at all. 

"Aren't you bored here?" 

"Maybe a little," Tanya admitted. "There's rarely anything interesting going on here. Unfortunately, what happened to Sherry was a change after a long time. But now we can have fun beautifying you," she added scornfully. 

Carl sighed. He knew he should be glad the women accepted him. But this? Nails? Hair washing? Carl could clearly feel the woman behind him massaging something in his hair. Carl remembered something like this making his mom before apocalypse. She liked all the oils, scents, shampoos. But it never occurred to him that he would use it. He was a man! Men do not use hair oils! 

"I fell like a girl," Carl murmured after a moment. 

"And what's wrong with that? You have beautiful hair. It´s crime not to take care of them. I think you have the right to let others take care of you a little. " 

Carl always felt he was taken care of. He got to eat, he had a place to sleep, he had clothes. But he missed the times when his mother gave him clean clothes, made sure he was groomed. It was a nice feeling to enjoy a little extra care again. 

Tanya let go of one of Carl's hands and reached for the other. 

"When we're done here, we'll go dress you in something better." 

"Don't you have it from those soap operas that used to run on TV?" 

"Who knows," Tanya nodded cheerfully. "As I say, we have to have some fun." 

Carl still felt embarrassed. Like an idiot. Tanya managed to get a nice black shirt inCarl's size. She tossed his plaid shirt with a contemptuous expression into the corner and said he had to dress nicely now. Thanks to that, everyone will know that he belongs to Negan. Most of the women returned to doing nothing, and Tanya and Carl returned to the bar. Carl got another sweet drink. 

"It suits you now," Tanya nodded. "Maybe Negan will take you with him today ..." 

"Do you mind?" 

Tanya's expression grew serious. She looked at the women around for a moment, then turned back to Carl. 

"Actually, I personally would have left. But being here helps my family. So here I am, doing what I need to do. I don't mind, I don't. Negan is good most of the time. But if he prefers to take you instead of me, I'll welcome it. I don't know about the other wives. There is usually not much talk about these things ... We each have some problems and agreements, but it is taboo. " 

"Then why are you telling me this?" 

"So you know what's going on here. For someone who comes here from outside, it may look special. It's like some hookers waiting in line to jump on Negan's bed. I want you to know there's more to it." 

Carl began to feel that being the manager of Negan's harem would not just provide enough shampoo. There seemed to be far more in the background than Carl thought. And maybe more than Negan himself knew. 

"I'll try to find out ... So is there anything I can negotiate for you with Negan for now?" 

Tanya laughed and refilled her drink. 

"We usually ask for complete nonsense. And then we bet among ourselves whether Negan can do that. Last time Sherry wanted a diamond necklace. It was absurd. Of course, Negan didn't find such stupidity. " 

Necklace. That's where Negan's remark came from. Carla wondered what else Negan had ever told him had to do with his wives. 

"Sounds like fun ... If it bothers Negan a little, I'll be having this fun," Carl admitted, sipping a drink. 

"That is the right spirit! It's fun, and the longer this apocalypse lasts and the supplies disappear, the more fun it gets, and the more often Negan fails to find. " 

In the end, time passed pleasantly. Carl held on mainly to Tanya, who willingly mixed him two more drinks. He had only spoken briefly with the rest of his wives so far, but he still had a good impression of the day. 

Maybe in the end it won't be as terrible a job as he originally feared. 

When it got dark, Carl had completely forgotten the promise he had made to Negan of his late visit. He was just too involved in the conversation. Eventually, Amber, a slender blonde whom Carl remembered well for her boyfriend, joined them at the bar. This time Carl wasn't personally at a ritual that Negan ostentatiously called The Iron, but he could imagine that watching someone hurt someone you love is awful at any time. 

Amber was much quieter than Tanya. She sat next to them, sometimes saying something, but mostly drinking her drink. Carl understood. The incident with The Iron was recent. And Carl could understand that Amber must have had a lot of thoughts in his head. 

And so Carl ended up in the dormitory that belonged to his wives. Right next to the door was a single bed that had previously belonged to Sherry. According to all the women around, it was automatic that it now belonged to Carl. 

Carl was tired enough not to argue and took the opportunity to get some rest. He had a lot to think about.


	16. Chapter 16

Carl was always proud to have good observational talent. This helped him in his new job as a manager, as he called it in his head. 

Most wives took their positions bravely. Whenever Negan came over, had a drink, and then pointed to one, she just went. 

Carl watched with mixed feelings. He still shared only one kiss with Negan himself. After forgetting to come with his wives after the first day, Negan did not call him, nor did he talk to him any more. He asked how his wives were, listened to the answer, nodded, and took one of the wives to the bedroom. 

Never Carl. 

This is exactly what one evening was like. Carl played chess with Tanya, who decided to teach him this game. Carl still didn't understand most of the moves or the purpose of the pieces, but it was one of the few ways to spend his free time. 

The game was interrupted by the arrival of Negan. 

Carl tried to concentrate on the game and not listen to his speech about choosing the "right company" for the evening. He didn't do very well. 

Today it seemed that luck fell on Amber this time. Negan sat beside her, whispering something in her ear. But Carl noticed that Amber looked frightened rather than pleased. 

"Tanya ... What about Amber?" 

Tanya looked back at the couple sitting on the sofa. Then she pulled her chair a little closer to Carl, as if she didn't want anyone but Carl to hear her. 

"Amber ... She still loves her husband. They were married at a time when the world was fine. But Amber has a family and her younger brother is ill. Because Amber is here, her brother gets medicine and care from our doctor. But I think she's unhappy about it. Especially after they managed to spend the night together and someone told Negan. I think you know what happened then ... " 

Yeah, Carl knew that. He looked back at the couple. Negan now held Amber by the shoulder, his fingers playing with her dress. Amber looked somewhere between fright and reconciliation with her destiny. 

"Maybe someone should replace her," Carla thought. 

Tanya shook her head and ended the chess game. 

"When Negan chooses, it's a done choice. No one will dare to talk to him about it. " 

Carl looked at Amber. Damn work. 

Without a word, he got up and went to the couple. 

,, Well well, Carl. How can I help? ”Negan asked cheerfully. 

Carl took a breath. 

"I thought ... Last time we had some topics and ... I'd like to go back to them ..." 

"I'd love to talk to you anytime," Negan chuckled. "But I'm booked for today, Amber?" 

Amber nodded slowly. Carl didn't like the way her gaze filled with hope. It was as if she hoped Carl would save her. 

Carl sat down on the back of the couch and leaned toward Negan. 

"Amber can wait. I'd really like to finish this discussion ... now ... " 

Carl had no idea where it came from. He was no seductress. He had no idea what he was doing. But when he saw Negan's hand release Amber, it seemed to work. 

"Aren't you a little eager? I thought you weren't interested when you didn't come then ... " 

"I just forgot, nothing more. You know, talking with your wives... But I really want us to keep doing it ... I think that evening was really good... " 

Negan nodded and finally gave Carl his full attention. Fortunately, Amber understood what was happening and literally ran away without hesitation. Carl took her place. 

"I didn't expect this," Negan admitted, taking Carl by the shoulders. "I thought it wouldn't do anything to you in the end ..." 

Carl shook his head. After all, Tanya was right about something. He also wanted a piece of their leader. And if it was to save Amber from an awkward night, it was at least something that could help her. 

"I was just a little ... scared. I never ... you know what I mean ... " 

Carl didn't have to play this part. After all, he had never really done anything like that. But it seemed to be the ultimate motivation he needed for Negan. 

,,Do not worry. Because it's about you, I'll try to make it special ... At least for the first time ... We'll see what we can do next, "he added darkly and lightly bit Carl's neck. His palm gripped him a little tighter. 

Carl narrowed his eyes. Maybe a little self-sacrifice wasn't so bad, was it? 

"Today I had a taste for a little feminine curves ... But who would reject your sweet eagerness ..." 

Carl had no idea what to do. As soon as they reached Negan's bedroom, Negan put his jacket down on the chair and went to pour himself a full glass of bourbon. Carl closed the door behind him, thinking quickly about what to do next. 

Amber was saved for today. But Carl was sure a little kissing wouldn't be enough for Negan this time. He didn't mind the thought of anything more. But he knew nothing more about it. Nothing at all. 

"I'm a little nervous," Carl admitted, sitting down on the couch. 

Negan sat down next to him and drank from a glass. 

"There's nothing wrong with that ... I'd like to say how to take it slow and so on, but ... Honestly, doing things slowly has never been my damn style," Negan added with a smirk. 

Carl felt himself blush again. It just happened, and it didn't matter how Carl tried to prevent it. He had no idea how to take Negan's statement. 

"I ... I don't know where to start ..." 

Negan set the glass down on the table and leaned closer. Carl found himself in a heated kiss. Negan took complete control. He seemed to know exactly what he wanted from Carl. So Carl decided to just let him take it.


	17. Chapter 17

Amber thanked him for the third time, while holding his hand. Carl was afraid she would start crying. He hoped not. Whenever the people around him cried, Carl felt nervous. He never knew what to do or what to say. 

"Really, I wasn't expecting it ..." 

Carl shook his head. 

,,It's no big deal. But you should consider whether you want to be here ... I know about your family, I understand you ... But one day he will come again ... " 

Amber took Carl's hand and led him sideways into the corner of the room, and they sat down on a small sofa next to the bar. 

"I don't know what else to do ... My brother is ill, he has diabetes. He was always tiny for his age, but it all started, finding insulin is almost a superhuman task ... Saviors can get almost everything ... " 

Carl was strangely disappointed. He would like Amber to help and spare her the trouble. But he had no idea what he should do. 

"I'm sorry ... I have a little sister and ... I can imagine why you're doing this ..." 

Amber just nodded and went to the bedroom. 

Carl sometimes went to the roof of the factory. You could only get there by a narrow ladder through the skylight and no one went there. Well, except for Carl. 

It was a beautiful place. As he sat high, Carl had a view from the roof of the factory through the forest that surrounded the factory. The weather in the last few days was also pleasant and Carl was sitting on the roof until late in the evening. 

It wasn't that he had anything better to do. He could either sit here or sit in a room with his wives and watch Negan come for another woman once every few days and take her with him. 

Carl hoped it would be easier. Maybe it would be if his first time wasn't with Negan. And it wasn't so fucking perfect. 

Negan was as gentle as the man could have been. He showed him all the tricks one could possibly do with his tongue. He found all of Carl's pleasant places and marked them with biting kisses. 

Carl sighed and unwrapped the sandwich he had secretly made in the kitchen. On the way to Negan's bedroom, he vowed not to take it seriously. It was just sex. Lots of people had sex. 

So why at the end of that night, Carl's heart was beating so frightenedly when Negan kissed him for the last time? 

Carl lowered his head. He knew why. He did what he promised he would not do. But was it possible to command the heart? 

And so he was here - taking care of the women who slept with the man Carl loved. 

"Finally, the wives began to complain about the temperature in the rooms. Autumn is approaching and the factory is cold. Maybe it would be nice to let them wear something other than black mini dresses. " 

Carl looked at the request paper he had received from wives for Negan. it was more things than usual, nonsense, according to Carl. Perfume? Jewelry? 

Negan nodded, continuing to clean the weapon that was spread out on the coffee table. 

,,What about you? This is about the fifth time you've taught me their inventions, but it doesn't seem to me that any of this list is for you ... " 

"How do you know it's not ... a jewelry box for me?" 

"Carl ..." 

Carl sighed and tossed the paper on the table. 

"It's bullshit. They get bored and invent nonsense. You should look for ammunition, not perfumes. " 

"They're demanding ladies," Negan winked, putting the gun together. 

Carl didn't understand. Why was Negan so lenient about such nonsense? 

"But I'm serious. Isn't there anything you want? You also have the right to have all the nice things that others receive for their services. " 

Remuneration for services. Carl felt himself starting to feel sick. Negan took it as a business - Carl spreads his legs and so he is entitled to some nice things that would compensate for his efforts. 

But Carl didn't want any nonsense. He wanted to be here, with Negan. Sitting on the porch, drinking the awful powdered lemonade and watching Negan play with Judith. 

Instead, he sat in Negan's bedroom to determine the price for his body. 

"Carl?" 

Carl raised his head and looked into Negan's eyes. Negan's smile faded, his gaze finally showing that he was finally beginning interested to talk. 

,,Something is happening?" 

Carl shook his head. There was no point in saying anything - Negan said it himself. They will not walk hand in hand together on the beach and stand together in the chapel. 

,,No. Everything is fine ... Is that all? " 

,,Yeah..." 

Carl didn't wait any longer and just ran away. 

"You haven't been with him in a long time ..." 

Carl looked up from the board. He started to improve in that game. At least he already understood the essence of the game. And that was a good foundation. 

Negan arrived early that afternoon. He usually did not go until the evening. He walked around the room, talking to his wives. 

Carl looked at Tanya, who was watching him inquisitively, as if she were determined to find the truth. 

"Negan can choose who he wants," Carl said, pushing the queen forward two squares on the board. 

"It may ... But it's been two weeks ..." 

,, Tanya? Come here, honey ... " 

Carl's eyes tightened as Tanya got up and followed Negan. He had no idea how long it would take to do this. It never occurred to Carla that feelings might hurt so much. At times, he regretted interfering with things at all. Everything could be fine, he could be safe with his sister... He could just take her, take his weapons and food, and run away from it all. Maybe he could find a house somewhere, fix it and live there? 

Naive, he knew it. 

But better than this. Everything was better than looking at Negan, who was taking Tanya away, his hand too low around her waist. 

Carl would continue to drown in his thoughts, but was interrupted by Amber, who sat down next to him. One look was enough for Carl to know that something was going on. 

,,What is it?" 

Amber was obviously trying to make sure everything was fine. But unfortunately it failed miserably. 

"You ... you're not with Negan, are you?" 

,,What do you mean? We're all here with Negan, "Carl didn't understand. 

"I don't mean out there ... You understand why I'm here, don't you?" 

Carl nodded. 

"I ... I'm supposed to meet my husband today," Amber whispered. "I've been able to make an appointment through my sister, who works in the kitchen. We have a place to go ..." 

"Amber ... You know what happened last time," Carl whispered quickly. 

,,I know! He wanted to try again. The sister tried to talk him out of it, but he's so stubborn ... I want to see him! It kills me when we're apart ... " 

Carl sighed. He understood that all too well. 

"Okay, what do you want from me?" 

"Can you come with me? If they only see me, especially after the last incident, they'll follow me ... If we go together ... Everyone knows you're like our boss. They'll think you'd bring it to Negan if it happened again. And so they let us be! " 

The plan was good, Carl had to admit. Amber was obviously thinking about it all. It was so damn brave of a girl who sometimes looked frightened by the world around her. 

"Okay ... If anyone asks, we're going for a snack, okay? Then show me your sister, so that I may know with whom I can speak. " 

Amber nodded enthusiastically. 

"Well, when is it supposed to be?" 

,,Now? We waited for Negan to be in his bedroom. " 

Carl hated plans that had been devised in minutes. He used to do them too, but then he lost his eye and his life. He was more careful now. 

"All right, come on. Let us be back quickly ... " 

Carl tried to look normal. But Amber looked around, as if a herd of walkers were about to run after her. 

"Amber," Carl hissed. "Your face is scary. You literally look like someone who's going to break the rules!" 

"I'm sorry," Amber whimpered, straightening her dress. "I'm afraid ..." 

"Calm down," Carl muttered, opening the door from the main building wide. 

,, We go to the kitchen for refreshments. If you accidentally find your husband among vegetables, that's the second thing ... " 

"I don't know how to thank you," Amber muttered, and they walked across the courtyard to the other building, where the kitchen was. "You're helping me so much ..." 

"Especially be quick. We can't be there very long. " 

Amber nodded, and her expression finally calmed down a bit. 

Carl stood in the kitchen, slicing tomatoes at a frighteningly slow pace. He had never cut such thin slices in his life. But the snack tray was almost done, and Amber was still gone. And so Carl sliced slowly, carefully so that each wheel was the same as the previous one. 

Why did he even do that? Amber was a strange woman. But it reminded him a little of Beth. Beth was a great girl. He was always sorry for what had to happen to her. No one ever told him, but Carl saw that one day Daryl was simply not the same. And so he realized that Beth would not return. 

"Carl ..." 

Carl turned to see Amber carrying a bowl of olives. 

"Finally," Carl grinned, placing the bowl on the tray. "You've been looking for them for a long time ..." 

Amber blushed and slapped him gently on the shoulder. 

"Thank you very much," she said afterward. "I was afraid that after what happened in that hall ... that I wouldn't see him again ..." 

"Don't worry," Carl shook his head, placing the tomato slices on a plate. "There's always an excuse."


	18. Chapter 18

Carl became a smuggler. Amber seemed unable to remain silent and told several wives what Carl had done for her. And you took advantage of it immediately. And so Carl was sometimes escorted to the kitchen, sometimes to the meadow behind the factory, which was still in a safe fenced area. 

Carl tried not to do it too often. He knew it might be noticeable. One meeting a week or two was an acceptable risk, he said. 

Tanya received the news of his charity with a proud smile. 

"I'm glad you understand what women are going through here ... Everyone has a loved one they want to see ..." 

,,What about you?" 

Tanya shook her head. 

"My lover died. I only have a family and we can see each other. So you don't have to worry about me. " 

Carl nodded. He was glad that at least Tanya was fine. 

"I've heard that you often go with my wives outside ..." 

Carl continued to stir Bloody Mary, the only drink he had learned so far. Not that he tried. 

,,Does it bother you?" 

,,No. It's nice that you're close to them ... I just heard it from a few people who saw you ... You often go to the kitchen, out for the factory ... " 

Carl would be half horrified and half surprised by the accuracy of the information Negan had. Enough people had to bring him that information. All the more Carl had to be careful. 

"It seems pointless to employ people who work by bringing refreshments. I can spread the bread myself, "Carl replied, decorating the drink with a sprig of mint. He had no idea if the mint belonged there, but it looked cool. 

"You're so independent," Negan growled, leaning against the bar. "What would you recommend, bartender?" 

"I don't know, you only drink bourbon ... So, bourbon?" 

"Sometimes you remind me of Sherry." 

Carl slammed a bottle of bourbon on the bar top. Some wives looked at them, but Carl looked only at Negan. 

,,What do you mean?" 

"She kept cutting me off, too. But when I pulled her to bed, she just begged for more. " 

Carl literally felt the bile rise through his throat. 

"I'm not your whore," Carl snapped. 

Negan just laughed sarcastically, a cocky grin on his lips. 

,,No? And then what are you, huh? When you moaned below me, it sounded like ... " 

There was no more hearing. Carl didn't hold back, he reached across the bar and slapped Negan. He was so furious! 

There was complete silence in the room. All the wives were looking at the bar. But Carl couldn't take his eyes off Negan. 

Negan straightened slowly. The grin on his lips remained in place, but his eyes were like a piece of ice. Carl realized at that moment that he was in trouble. But the anger that still boiled in him for all the words Negan had said to him and for all the man had done to him did not subside. So Carl just straightened up and looked at Negan defiantly. 

"I don't think you understand how the hell to behave," Negan said coldly. 

"I don't think I'm the only one here," Carl replied. 

Negan's hand tightened around Carl's wrist, and Carl was literally pulled out of the room. 

"If you were someone else, I'd punish you," Negan said as he led Carl down the hall. "You're lucky to be one of my wives." 

"What luck," Carl muttered, still trying to pull Negan out of his grip. 

"We'll see how fucking confident you'll be here in a few days," Negan grinned, pushing Carl into the room. 

carl looked around. It was his old room. The bed was gone, an old dirty mattress lay on the floor. The windows looked like battered planks. 

As soon as Carl turned back to the door, Negan slammed the door and Carl heard the lock click. 

Great. 

After half a day of waiting, Carl understood what his punishment was. 

There was no food in the evening. He had tap water in the bathroom, but when it was night he was hungry. He was too used to regular meals. 

It occurred to him for a moment that if he apologized, maybe Negan would let him go. But then he vehemently rejected the idea. 

He had been hungry for several years. He gave little Judith the last meal he has so she wouldn't cry, and he left the leftovers himself. 

So he sat on the mattress in protest and waited. 

It's been two days. During that time, Carl found a loose T-shirt in the laundry room that remained in the room. He threw off his shirt with satisfaction and changed. If he was to suffer, it could at least be comfortable. 

At the end of the second day, Negan appeared in the room. And with a tray of food in his hands. 

,, Carl! I've thought of you so much! " 

Carl just rolled his eyes. The anger at the man subsided a little, but when he saw Negan, he returned in full force. 

,,Two days. I hope you damn well realized how to behave. And because I'm generous, I brought you something to eat. Beef, potatoes, everything you like. " 

It hurt Carla irrationally that Negan remembered what Carl liked to eat. 

"And what do you want from me?" 

"Apologize. I think it 's damn clear you exaggerated. " 

Carl looked up from the dirty mattress. 

"If you want me to apologize for the slap, you can go. You deserve it. " 

Negan put the tray onto the dresser and walked over to Carl. He didn't bother to bend. 

"Is that your answer?" 

"You told me I was a moaning whore. Fuck that, "Carl snapped. 

Immediately, Carl's head tilted involuntarily as Negan's fingers gripped a handful of his hair and jerked back. 

"You're a cheeky brat, you know that?" 

It hurt, Carl felt a painful tear in the corner of his eye. But it wouldn't be the first time someone had hurt him. 

"Fuck you," Carl spat. 

"Why do you always resist," Negan growled, jerking his hand back a little. 

Carl cried out in pain, the scalp in fire. 

"I won't agree just because you want to," Carl said. 

"What if I left you here, huh?" Another day, two? " 

"I've been starving for a longer time," Carl laughed hysterically. 

"God, sometimes I'd rather ..." 

"What," Carl asked defiantly. "Would you kill me? Would you smear my face with Iron?" 

"Do you want to suffer so much? I gave you so fucking many things, a better life ?! Are you repaying with this? Do you know that would be enough to apologize?" 

But Carl shook his head. 

"If you're right, I'll apologize. But you're wrong. " 

Negan sighed and, after a moment of silence, sat down next to Carl on the dirty mattress. 

"You're incredibly stubborn," he said. 

Carl shrugged. He knew it, everyone around him told him. 

"You know I wouldn't do that, right? That shit with the Iron ... " 

,,Why?" 

"I don't want to ruin your pretty face," Negan laughed, nodding at the tray of food on the dresser. "Eat, then we'll get out of here." 

Carl turned to Negan in surprise. 

"Will you let me out of here?" 

"And will it be worth it to keep you here?" 

"No," Carl grinned. 

"Brat," Negan nodded. "Eat, then your job is waiting for you." 

Carl returned to his wives that day. Once he was seated at the bar, Tanya appeared next to him. 

,, Carl! I was worried about you! " 

Carl laughed slightly. 

"No reason, everything is fine." 

"What you did was so stupid ..." 

"He deserves it." 

"Didn't he punish you?" 

"I guess he wanted to. But it didn't work, so he let me out. " 

Tanya frowned strangely. 

"If someone else did it, I bet he's locked up now. I don't understand that he dropped the punishment ... I'm glad, of course! But I don't understand ... " 

"I don't know either," Carl nodded. 

But in the corner, he sensed. Maybe he was hoping. Because he didn't want to tell anyone. Not even Tanya. How Carl let Negan hug him while he ate the food and what a pleasant moment they shared. That was just his little secret.


	19. Chapter 19

"Carl ... I have a request for you ..." 

Amber sat down next to Carl at the bar and looked around. It was clear to Carl relatively quickly what the topic would be. 

"The kitchen again?" 

Amber shook her head surprisingly in disapproval and leaned even closer. 

,,I want to go away." 

,,What do you mean?" 

"I want to run away," Amber whispered. 

Carl blinked in surprise. 

"Amber ... How do you want to do that? It's guarded here ... And you have a husband here! " 

"He'll help us," Amber muttered. "I talked to my sister, who was talking to him. He would be able to get a truck and leave it at the back gate. We can run!" 

,,We?" 

"I ... Maybe I've talked to several wives about it," Amber admitted reluctantly. 

Carl looked around the room. And only then did he realize that most of the wives watched them closely. 

"Amber ... You can't say things like that to everyone around you!" 

"They're friends," Amber said. "When she hears it's possible to get out of here, they want to join! They don't like that life ... They want to be with their loved ones ..." 

Carl rubbed his face. 

"And what exactly do you need from me?" 

"You're good with traveling around," Amber said confidently. "We'll get to the truck, drive away, and you'll show us the way!" 

Carl didn't have the strength to disprove Amber's idea. It was definitely not possible to say that he knew his surroundings. But it was true that he would find his way to Alexandria or Hilltop. 

,,Good good. Theoretically, let's say I agree. What's next?" 

"Just say when. It must be at least a day in advance to have time to prepare. You can run with us! " 

Get away. Carl never considered himself a prisoner. After all, he was here voluntarily. Somehow he didn't think he should be anywhere else in the near future. His father no longer wanted him in Alexandria. Carl had no other place. So now the Sanctuary was probably his home. And run away? Where would he go? 

Plus, leave Negan? 

"We'll see ... Ask the wives if they really go. Then there will be no way back. " 

Carl always thought most wives were happy with Negan. But now that there was a chance to escape, most people seemed to exchange this luxurious, comfortable life for a struggle for survival without blinking. Especially when they don't have to be with Negan anymore. 

And so one afternoon, Cark received a confirmation from Amber´s sister in the kitchen. At night it was enough to get to the back gate, to the truck and away. It sounded like an easy plan. 

Carl felt that at any moment a group of soldiers had to jump around them around the corner and shoot them all. 

Carl and his wives successfully got out of the factory. It seemed a little to Carl that there were too few guards around. He usually saw more of them, in pairs passing by the factory. 

The truck was waiting exactly where it was destined. Amber's husband stood beside him, walking impatiently around. 

"Finally!" He hissed when he saw them. "Get in fast!" 

Carl wanted to ask about the plan, what to do next. But then Amber's husband pulled him forward and put a submachine gun in his hand. 

"I managed to get two. I don't know what will happen along the way, "the man admitted and got into the car. Carl just sighed and walked to the other side of the truck. 

He didn't like it. But now it was impossible to stop. It must have taken a few minutes for someone to realize that several people, weapons, and a truck were missing. 

They drove to the gate. Carl checked the magazine to make sure it was ready. Amber's husband said the gate would be open. That was the reason why Carl raised his head in surprise when the truck stoped 

"Shit," the man beside him muttered, 

Carl looked ahead and froze. 

The gate was open, yes. And in front of the gate stood Negan with Arat by his side. 

,,What do we do?!" 

Carl swallowed. It couldn't end so soon. They just left! 

And then it occurred to him. All you had to do was distract them. 

"I'll go there," Carl muttered, taking his weapon. 

,,What? Are you crazy ?! 

"You have to get them away," Carl growled. "When I get out and close the door, drive away, fast!" 

Carl did not wait for arguments. He jumped out of the car and slammed door. He saw Negan stepping forward. And then he heard the squeal of the tires as the truck sped forward. Negan and Arat managed to jump sideways to the ground. By the time they managed to get off the ground, the truck was gone. 

"Stop!" Arat shouted, pointing her own weapon at Carl. 

With a sigh, Carl dropped his weapon to the ground and raised his hands to be sure. After all, he didn't want Arat to shoot him. But his plan seemed to work. They were both busy with Carl and ignored the truck. Carl hoped they could go far enough to keep the Saviors from finding them. That was the main thing. 

"He's an idiot," Negan said. 

Somehow he needed to hear it out loud, perhaps to really make sure what had happened was true. 

Negan had been sitting at the bar for several long minutes, looking around the empty room. 

After a few minutes of silence, Arat appeared beside him. 

"I put him in the cell, as you wanted, boss." 

"Did he defend himself?" 

Arat shook her head. 

"No, he went voluntarily." 

,,Idiot..." 

"I thought it was weird," Arat said, setting the weapon Carl had on the counter. "I think they could have gotten through and got away with them ..." 

Negan noticed a little. Arat was usually not the type to comment on everything. She was more of a silent observer. 

,,What do you mean?" 

Arat shrugged. 

"I don't think he wanted to go away. There were two of us and they had a truck. But he got out and tried to divert attention. He knew that as soon as we saw the gun, we would leave the truck alone. If he wanted to run, all they had to do was keep going and stay in truck. " 

Negan was silent for a moment. It was true that he expected Carl to flee. He wouldn't be surprised. Carl always had a fucking awful need to save everyone around him. 

"Watch him. What he's doing, who he's talking to. " 

Arat nodded and left. 

Negan reached for the bar and pulled out a bottle of bourbon and a glass. 

Could Arat be right? Did Carl want to stay? But why?! He could return home, to Rick Prick and his little sister. 

And instead he stayed here.


	20. Chapter 20

"So I finally found you ..." 

Carl looked up to see Tanya standing by the bars. He was about to ask what had happened, why she wasn't in the truck with the other wives, but then he noticed her evil smile. 

"What's going on?" He asked hesitantly. 

"What do you think?" Tanya laughed, leaning against the bars. "I've finally reached my point - all the whores are gone. And you helped me." 

Carl was silent in surprise. 

"Just don't look. Who do you think informed Negan about your little trip? I thought you'd disappear too, but now at least I'll be happy to watch Negan execute you for this betrayal ... " 

"Why ... Why the hell would you do that ?!" 

,,Why? Negan is mine now, "Tanya grinned." I won't have to wait in line for my turn. I won't listen to which of those whores can do better than I do. He'll be mine and he'll do what I want. " 

Carl was completely shocked. Tanya? She supported him in the idea of escape! But in the end, it started to make sense. She supported him, made sure the escape really happened, and then all he had to do was call Negan and watch. Maybe in the end they could be glad they managed to escape. But the last sentence caught Carla's eye. 

"Will he do what you want? Do you think so?" 

"I don't need the opinion of a brat like you," Tanya snapped. "I know what you're talking about. But don't worry, I want you to know that I took the guy you loved. After all, you thought he could to love back? A freak like you? Maybe I could force him drive for your famous little sister ... Then we could be a nice little family ... We'll see! " 

Tanya was obviously enough, and with another venomous laugh they left. Carl sat down slowly on the floor, thinking what he had just heard. Was their friendship a lie all along? Was that why she tried so hard to make friends with Amber? 

Carl wiped a tear from his face with his sleeve. 

Could it end like this? Carl hoped he would have a little more time. This time he didn't even say goodbye to Judith. He never took a picture of them together, they never took the palmprint on the porch of their house. He didn't give her his hat, hidden in his room. Will he forget about it because of it? Will Dad know what happened to him? And Judith ... How could she afford to get her involved? She was just a child! Carl knew he had to do something. He had no idea what. He was locked here! But he couldn't let Tanya get to Judith. ... 

Negan had no idea what to do. It didn't happen often. But now, everything was like fog. At first glance, everything was clear - Carl had fled, led his wives through the factory, and tried to drive away. At least that was what Tanya repeated to him like a fucking gramophone record. 

Negan had always liked that woman. She was good at what he wanted from her. But now, instead of having sex, he just listened to what Carl was a traitor and how it was all his idea. It was suspicious. 

Negan was quite surprised - Carl always spoke nicely of Tanya. He said they were friends. How many times had he seen them at a bar or a table where they played chess. And now it seemed that Tanya wanted nothing more than to see Carl dead. 

And that wasn't something Negan wanted. 

Arat came to him that day. Negan tried to concentrate on his usual work, but failed miserably, so he let the work be. The thought of what else he could do was interrupted by a knock on the door. 

,,Come in!" 

Arat came in, nodded, and closed the door behind her. 

"Boss, I have something interesting for you." 

With a sigh, Negan tossed the sheets of paper on the table and nodded. 

"I hope it's not another fucking escape ..." 

,,No. I was in jail, watching the boy. And Tanya came to see him. " 

"Let me guess, she rebuked him for not taking her with him," Negan suggested. 

That would explain how Tanya cursed at him. 

"Not quite ... She admitted to him for cheating on him. She said something to the point that she deliberately persuaded him to organize the escape and she got rid of the competition. She obviously wanted you for herself. She seemed to want to include Carl's sister in her plans. " 

Negan raised an eyebrow in surprise. Tayna? Shouldn't she be his friend ?! 

"So that was supposed to be her idea?" 

,,Looks like it. She laughed at him. " 

Negan had no idea if he should laugh or be furious. When did it happen?! He had a lot of beautiful women, he had a lot of wild sex. And now he had an empty room, one wife who was a cunning bitch and Carl. In prison. 

"Looks like I lost my last wife," Negan grinned, getting up to pour himself a glass of bourbon. 

He expected Arat to leave. After all, she had never been a supporter of long conversations. 

But this time she had something to say. 

"I don't think, boss," she said simply. "I know you were used to more women at once but ... Maybe one loving wife might be enough for you now, even though she's still in prison … You can only try if he would be interested ... " 

Negan watched silently as Arat left without another word. What did she mean? One loving wife in prison? Carl wasn't a loving wife after all! But he can try, that was true... 

Negan drank a glass of ex and poured himself another.


	21. Chapter 21

It was night. Carl had been trying to fall asleep for several hours, but to no avail. He still had to think about what Tanya had told him. 

When Carl returned here, he thought it would be easy. After all, what could have become worse again than what had already happened. 

But it happened. Stupid Negan with that stupid smirk and stupid kisses! 

And then Tanya appeared. Another people in a damn endless line of people who wants to hurt his family. They usually went after his dad. And Carl could stand it - his dad was a cop and he could fight. But his sister? Who the hell would think of that ?! He had to do something! 

"Looks like your journey is over ..." 

Carl sat up quickly. Arat stood at the bars. 

"What do you want here?" 

"I've heard a lot about you ... You're kind of like a local legend ... I didn't expect you to end up in jail ..." 

Carl snorted irritably. 

,,And what should I do? I didn't know she would betray me so she could warm Negan's bed, "Carl spat. 

"Sad," Arat grinned. "I see you've decided to sit here and cry as the world sucks and the woman takes over your man, doesn't you?" 

Carl's eyes narrowed. He spoke to Arat only a few times, but the woman could literally set him on fire. 

"I'm locked here!" 

"Um ... What if you weren't?" 

Carl watched in shock as Arat unlocked the cell door and went inside. 

,,What the..." 

"You know, I always thought you were someone who would defend your family and the things that belonged to you... Was I wrong?" 

Carl shook his head. No, she wasn't wrong. 

Arat nodded with a satisfied smile, reached behind her, and drew her weapon. 

"Then I think you know what to do with this, don't you?" 

Carl took the weapon hesitantly in his hand. 

"Why are you doing this?" He asked as Arat turned to leave. 

Arat stopped at the door. 

"Negan's wives have never been very popular here. It was just a bunch of women who didn't do anything and got the most. And I think you know yourself that at this time, one must deserve to get one's share. They didn't deserve it. I think the sooner they're all gone, the better. " 

"Does Negan know about this?" 

Arat laughed. 

"Sometimes men don't know what's best for them. I think he's had enough of his bachelor life. We're going to war soon ... And we need people who aren't a burden ... " 

Unfortunately, Carl knew what kind of war Arat was thinking. Arat may have been rude and psychotically devoted to Negan, but she was a great fighter. And she had an instinct that Carl had only seen in Daryl. So if she thought there would be a war, there would be a war. 

Without another word, Arat walked away, leaving the unlocked door behind her. Carl didn't think the others agreed with her plan. He checked the magazine quickly, made sure he had enough ammunition, and set off quickly. 

Carl managed to get to the floor where the wives' room was without anyone noticing. He quietly opened the door, slipped inside, and closed it. The room was empty. There was a bottle of bourbon and a few empty glasses at the bar. For a moment, Carl thought Tanya was gone. But then he heard a soft whistling from the bedroom. 

Tanya stood by her bed, her back to the door, getting dressed. It looked like she was going somewhere. It was clear to Carl where. And he felt an even bigger wave of anger. 

"I'm glad to see you again," he said with a smirk and aimed his weapon directly at Tanya. 

Tanya turned sharply. When she saw Carl, she fell on the bed in shock, trying to get away. But that was useless. Carl knew full well that the only door out of the room was behind him. 

"Carl ... How did you get out!" 

"You don't have to care." 

"I ... I'm glad you're out! It was a big mistake! " 

Carl unlocked the weapon without a word. Then he noticed Tanya look somewhere behind him. And then he heard footsteps. 

"So here's our prisoner ..." 

,,Help! That freak wants to kill me! "Tanya shouted. 

Carl heard the door closed. And then he felt someone stand behind him. 

"Are you threatening my wife, Carl?" 

"Yeah," Carl growled. "Like she threatened Judith ..." 

"Damn," Negan chuckled. "Did you threaten the little girl?" 

"I didn't mean it that way!" Tanya whimpered with tears in her eyes. "Negan, help me! He has no right to do this!" 

Carl felt a hand wrap around his waist. He could feel a hot breath on his throat. 

"Do you want to do it?" 

"I do," Carl nodded slowly, watching Tanya. 

"Do you think you can shoot my wife?" 

"You said I could do whatever I wanted ," Carl snapped. 

He watched with strange satisfaction as Tayna really began to cry at his words. 

The grip around Carl's waist tightened a little. 

"You're so hot, in your anger and desire for revenge ... But I don't know if I can let you kill her ..." 

Carl saw with hatred the relief that appeared on Tanya's face. 

And so he fired.


	22. Chapter 22

Tanya's body fell to the bed with a soft thud. Blood splattered the wall behind her. It was satisfactorily disgusting. 

Carl slowly lowered his weapon and exhaled slowly. He did it. He killed Tanya. And all he felt was relief. 

"I said you shouldn't kill my wife ..." 

Carl turned rebelliously to face Negan. 

"I'm your main wife," Carl said firmly. "Not a whore who wants to use my sister and play with you on the family!" 

,, Play family? Does it bother you because you want to be the one I'll have the family with? " 

Carl froze. This was not the conversation Carl was ready for! 

"I do not know what are you talking about ..." 

"Come on, you're not going to lie to me now," Negan chuckled, pressing against Carl's smaller body. "I think I know what's going on in your pretty crazy head ..." 

Carl narrowed his eyes as he felt a light kiss on his neck. It wasn't what Carl was expecting, but he wasn't going to complain. 

"Tell me ... Was Tanya right?" 

"What do you think?" 

"She told me such a nice story ... About how you made the whole rebellion and a led my wives away from me ..." 

Carl would like to defend himself and say from his lungs what he thought of Tay's opinion. But as Negan continued with the kisses, Carl leaned against his chest and closed his eyes contentedly. It was as if the stress of the last days had disappeared. 

"They wanted to go, so I helped them ..." 

"And why didn't you run away with them?" 

"I don't know ..." 

Then Carl felt a sharp pain in his throat after the bite. 

"Don't lie ... I see into you ..." 

"Then you know why I didn't run ..." Carl whispered. 

,, You know what? Let's get out of here ... Let's go to my room. Damn, I'd like to talk to you more about this topic somewhere in private ... 

Carl hoped Negan wouldn't want any details of why Carl hadn't left with the rest of his wives. Fortunately, they spent the rest of the night doing activities other than talking. 

However, when Carl woke up in the morning to find Negan watching him, he saw a clear curiosity in that look. 

"We didn't solve something yesterday," Negan grinned. 

Carl sighed. He hated how good Negan looked. All sleepy, disheveled, a few days of stubble on his face. 

"It didn't look like you wanted to talk," Carl said, pulling the blanket closer to his body. 

His bed in the wives' room was comfortable. The blanket was good. But this, this was clear heaven. So soft. And that smell. Carl refused to think about whose scent it was. But it was Carl's favorite. 

"You know, I've been busy getting all the nice sounds you can ..." 

With a groan, Carl buried his face in the pillow. 

"You're unreal." 

"They've called me worse ..." 

"They were right ..." 

Negan just laughed again. 

"You're such a fucking sweetheart ... One could fall in love with you ..." 

Carl left his face hidden in the pillow. 

"You know, I was thinking ... We haven't been to see that little princess for a long time ..." 

Carl raised his head sharply. 

,,What do you mean?" 

"It's nice outside. An ideal time to rob some settlers, pick up nice things and visit your little sister ... Who knows, maybe we can sit on the porch and send that woman who looks like a chubby four-eyes elementary school teacher to make lemonade ... And if good luck, I'll smash someone's head today! " 

Carl had no idea where Negan had come up with the idea. He was terrified at how exactly the man had hit what Carl had wanted all along. 

"Sounds nice," Carl admitted quietly. 

"Then get up! We'll put together an escort and leave. I feel like today's going to be a damn good day ... " 

With a satisfied sigh, Carl rested his head on the soft pillow. He could get used to this ...


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my dear readers, we are done with this story! Thank you all very much for the beautiful comments and support you give me through them.
> 
> If you have any ideas for what you would like to read, write to me and we will look at what could be done with it! :)

"Brother?" 

Carl looked up from the book and looked at little Judith standing in the doorway. 

"Yes?" 

"I want to go out!" 

With a smile, Carl set the book down on the bedside table. 

"We have to wait." 

"I want to see daddy!" 

"But he has a job outside, you know that." 

"But I want to watch how daddy works!" 

Carl stood up in surrender and offered Judith a hand. Although she was already big, she had recently celebrated ten, but she still wanted to walk by hand. Carl never really minded. 

When they got out, from a distance Carl heard the dull thuds running across the yard. Judith laughed and tugged at Carl's arm to go faster. Carl just shook his head. She was impatient. 

Carl finally stopped on the gallery, which overlooked the courtyard. They both saw Negan clearly, who had just knocked the man kneeling in front of him with a strong blow. Carl noticed that there were two men today, one long dead. Negan seemed to be able to find the traitors and spies he had been looking for for so long. 

"See, he's doing the job, I told you." 

Judith leaned against the lower part of the railing and leaned curiously closer. She always liked to watch Negan in action. Carl didn't blame her, though he liked to watch for a slightly different reason. 

"Then will daddy come with us for food? I'm hungry ..." 

Carl looked back at Negan. 

"We'll wait for him to finish it, and then we'll go ask him, what you're saying?" 

Judith nodded solemnly, as if it were a variant she could accept. 

"That would work ... Can we get out after eating? Dad promised to lend me Lucille! When I'm bigger, I want to have my own bat, like you and daddy!" 

Carl sighed. He felt Judith was young for that. But maybe it was just a dream. She just grew too fast. 

"Okay, let's see what can be done about it ... Come on, let's go ask." 

As soon as they went down to the courtyard, a group of people began to disperse. Many of them waved or smiled at Judith. She was just popular. The girl was getting everyone around her little finger. 

"Daddy!" 

Negan turned away from the bodies on the ground, and when he saw Judith running to him, he took her in his arms without hesitation. "Here she is, my little princess! How were you?" 

"I'm bored," Judith said scornfully, then, with a laugh, wiped the splatter of blood Negan had on his forehead with her hand. "You're dirty! Ugh!" 

"It happens," Negan laughed. 

"Will you come with us to eat? My brother said we should ask you!" 

Negan turned to Carl. Carl just shrugged. 

"She wants to go out with you after eating. Someone apparently promised her baseball lessons ..." 

Negan nodded, laid Judith on the ground, and handed her Lucille. 

"You know I won't deny the little queen anything. She's too damn cute ... Probably after her brother ..." 

"You're an old fucker," Carl replied. 

"And you're my young beautiful wife who wants to ride my dick." 

Negan pulled Carl closer and kissed him deeply. Carl didn't hesitate for a long time and wrapped his arms around Negan's shoulders. 

,, Disgusting! You're both disgusting! " 

"Get used to the princess," Negan chuckled as he pulled away and ruffled Judith's hair. "Come on. Let's eat and then see if little Judith can swing a bat here like a big brother."


End file.
